These web pages contains an annotated bibliography of books Dr. Wellborn has found to be helpful for parents as they deal with various teenage issues. (Some are quite old, reflecting the many years that Dr. Wellborn has spent working tirelessly to be of help to others. Yes, I’m OLD, ALRIGHT! Not everything old is irrelevant!) They are arranged by topic.
(Remember, this list is not comprehensive and the presence of books on this list does not constitute endorsement for or support of any of the information provided in these books. You may also want to take a look at the recommended books on teen page of this website. There is some overlap but I’ve also listed books on the teen page that haven’t been mentioned here.)
Updated: 2/2021
Academic Issues-Studying and Homework
Adolescence and adolescent development
ADD/ADHD-teachers, physicians & others
Bipolar disorder-in family members
Borderline Personality Disorder
Business Minded Entrepreneurial Kids
Character and Moral Development
Communication-with kids and teens
Divorce and Separation Issues-General
Divorce and Separation Issues-for Kids and Teens
Divorce and Separation Issues-for Fathers
Divorce and Separation Issues-for Mothers
Divorce and Separation Issues-parenting
Fears, anxiety and phobias-general
Fears, anxiety and phobias-for kids and teens
Fears, anxiety and phobias-for parents
Friendships, peers, popularity and cliques
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning
Grief, loss and death-parenting kids
Grief, loss and death-for kids and teens
Grief, loss and death-helping a friend
Grief, loss and death-loss of a child
Internet and Interactive Media
Learning Differences and Student Support Services
Parenting-of Strong Willed, Defiant, Pain in the Butt Kids
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Relationships-Info for kids and teens
Relationships-between siblings
Sex and sexuality-general parenting
Sex and sexuality-info for kids and teens
Sex and Sexuality-Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, Questioning
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-for Parents
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-for Kids and Teens
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-Kids with Sexual Behavior Problems
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-Spouses and Partners of Abused Adults
Substance Use and Abuse-General
Substance Use and Abuse-Parenting
Substance Use and Abuse-for Kids and Teens
Substance Use and Abuse-in Family Members
Academic Issues-Studying and Homework
Overcoming Underachieving: An Action Guide to Helping Your Child Succeed in Schoo l. Goldstein, Sam & Mather, Nancy. (1998)
This is an excellent and comprehensive book on dealing with underachievement (read that as motivation) problems with your child. It helps you actually figure out your child’s best learning strategies and has lots of suggestions. It is like a coaching guide. The best book to buy so far.
Have You Done Your Homework? A Parent’s Guide to Helping Teenagers Succeed in School. Hahn, J. (1985). NY: John Wiley & Sons, Inc. $10.95
This is an older book that is written in a more relaxed style covering the major areas of studying and doing homework. Good book to have as a guide to structuring studying.
The Homework Solution. Sonna, L. (1990). Charlotte, VA: Williamson Publishing Company.
The author is a clinical psychologist who developed this program. I like the Hahn book better for its readability. Nonetheless, this is also a good book.
Pocket Guide to Study Tips: How To Study Effectively and Get Better Grades. (Third Edition). Armstrong, W. & Lampe, M. W. II. (1990). NY: Barron’s Educational Series, Inc. $5.95.
A VERY concentrated, comprehensive guide to study skills. Dry like a reference book but with something on every aspect of studying. Inexpensive and worth having on hand.
What Happened at School Today? Helping Your Child Handle Everyday School Problems. Craig, J. (1994). NY: Skylight Press. $15.00.
This is a comprehensive book about a range of difficulties children encounter in school. There is a section on homework called Homework Hassles with sections on lying about homework, sloppy work, dawdling, doing projects with friends, etc. It is not comprehensive but for the topics covered there are some good suggestions.
Adolescence and Adolescent Development
Adolescence by John Santrock
This is a well regarded college textbook that covers all of adolescence. It is expensive (because they sell it to college students who can’t refuse to pay whatever price they charge) but very good. You can also find used adolescent textbooks on Amazon for cheap.
The Heart and Soul of the Next Generation by Michael Bradley.
This book tells the stories of 20 quietly courageous teens whose twin you could find in any community. Dr. Bradley is a psychotherapist and author of a number of parenting books on teens (e.g., Yes, Your Teen is Crazy; Yes, Your Parents Are Crazy; When Things Get Crazy with Your Teen). With this book, he has managed to provide a glimpse of kids who must deal with a range of troubles, struggles and trauma: divorce, bullying, coming out as gay, cancer, death, abandonment, loss, abuse. (Be warned. Parents don’t always come out looking so good in a number of these stories.) These are beautiful kids and wonderful stories of the kind of heroism that counts; the kind that surfaces in the normal course of human events.
ADD/ADHD-General
Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood through Adulthood. Hollowell, E. M., & Ratey, J. J. (1995).
This is another popular book on ADHD. It is written with information about ADHD issues highlighted with examples of actual people dealing with the topics being discussed. It seems to be meant to be “read” rather than having a reference-book organization. Good material with real world examples.
Answers to Distraction by E. M. Hollowell & J. J. Ratey
This volume follows up Drive to Distraction by answering the many questions that people have about ADHD. It is organized by topic and then by questions asked related to the topics. Much helpful information though the organization is hard to follow if you are looking for a specific question. You have to flip through the section to find it.
Interventions for ADHD: Treatment in Developmental Context by Phyllis A Teeter.
This is more of an academic book but what I really like about it is that the author presents ADHD as it appears in each developmental stage from toddlerhood to adulthood. This can give you some idea what you will be looking forward to in the next stage for your kid. Not the first book to buy but worth a look to get a better picture of how things will change across each stage.
ADD/ADHD-story books
Children
Shelley the Hyperactive Turtle by D. Moss
The story of Shelley the turtle and his family as they face the challenges presented by his hyperactivity from his initial visit to the doctor through his diagnosis and treatment. The book explains hyperactivity directly to children with the condition as well as to brothers, sisters, and friends. It is a sweet, brief book for children up through first grade.
Otto Learns about his Medicine: A Story about Medication for Children with ADHD. (Revised Edition). N Galvin, M. (1995).
The story of Otto the automobile and his discovery of having an engine that runs too fast (ADHD). The focus of this book is for children who are being prescribed medication. Good reading for kids.
Eagle Eyes: A Child’s Guide to Paying Attention. (3rd ed.). Gehert, J. (1996).
This is an information book for a child with ADHD that is through his eyes. This is a companion book to “I’m Somebody Too”, a book for siblings of children with attention difficulties. Eagle Eyes is intended for children ages 6 to 10 years old.
Pre-Teens
I’m Somebody Too. Gehret, J. (1992). .
The story of Emily whose brother Ben is diagnosed with ADHD. Through her struggles with family, social, and personal difficulties with an ADHD sibling Emily discovers strengths and weaknesses in herself and her brother. The difficulty of getting less attention from her parents, Ben’s sometimes embarrassing and irritating behavior, and how to get her own needs met in the family are some of the issues that are addressed. Intended for children ages 9 and up.
Putting on the Brakes: Young People’s Guide to Understanding Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Quinn, P. O., & Stern, J. M. (1991).
An information book for kids ages 8-13 that is meant to give ADHD kids a sense of control and a perception of obtainable goals. It is easy to read and uncomplicated. A nice over-view to help kids get a sense of what is going on and what can be done.
The “Putting on the Brakes” Activity Book For Young People with ADHD. Quinn, P. O., & Stern, J. M.
A workbook that goes along with Putting on the Brakes.
Teacher’s Pest. Ransom, C. (1996).
The Story of Dudley and his difficulties in staying out of trouble in class. He will do anything to get attention. Competitiveness with a friend, the frustrations of his teacher, and a nice yet realistic solution at the end make this a nice read. (No, everything is not “all better” at the end.) ADHD is not mentioned but the behavior is so familiar that it makes a good, indirect way to address the issues. The story is best for third graders and older. Intended for children ages 6-11.
First Star I See. Caffrey, J.A.
The story of fourth-grader Paige Bradley wants one thing more than anything else in the whole world: to meet her TV idol Dr. Kelsey. With three long weeks to write the best essay, everything starts to go wrong. This story addresses attention difficulties in girls (ADD without hyperactivity). Intended for ages 9 and up.
Joey Pizga Swallowed the Key by Jack Gantos
Joey is always getting into trouble. This is a wonderful, realistic portrayal of what it is like for a kid with moderate to severe ADHD. It is one in a series. I highly recommend it.
The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson and the Olympians series)
Percy has always been told the trouble he gets in is due to his ADHD. It turns out, he is a demi god and demons are regularly trying to kill him. Awesome books. You can’t put them down. Nice twist on ADHD and dyslexia.
ADD/ADHD-parenting
ADD-friendly Ways to Organize Your Life by Judith Kohlberg and Kathleen Nadeau.
This is THE book for organizational strategies. It is written by a professional organizer and an ADD therapist. Comprehensive, thorough, readable and designed for the reader to just pick out sections of interest. Great book.
Organizing the Disorganized Child by Martin Kutscher & Marcella Moran.
This is also an excellent book. Not as comprehensive as ADD-friendly Ways to Organize Your Life but in a good way. This has the basics for how to get and keep your kid organized (and teach them about it along the way). I’d say start with this one and then consider ADD-friendly if you want the definitive book.
Driven to Distraction: Recognizing and coping with Attention Deficit Disorder from Childhood through Adulthood. Hollowell, E. M., & Ratey, J. J. (1995).
This is another popular book on ADHD. It is written with information about ADHD issues highlighted with examples of actual people dealing with the topics being discussed. It seems to be meant to be “read” rather than having a reference-book organization. Good material with real world examples.
The ADHD Parenting Handbook: Practical Advice for Parents from Parents. Alexander-Roberts, C. (1994)
This book is an overview of the causes of ADHD and provides information about parenting across childhood and adolescence. Topics include basic information about ADHD, ADHD across different ages, areas of particular difficulty, strategies for dealing with behavior at home and at school, and the impact on the family of an ADHD child.
Women with Attention Deficit Disorder. Solden, S
Psychotherapist Sari Solden’s groundbreaking book explains how, every year, millions of withdrawn little girls and chronically overwhelmed women go undiagnosed with ADD because they don’t fit the stereotypical profile: they’re not fast-talking, hyperactive, or inattentive — and they are not male.
Taking Charge of ADHD: The Complete, Authoritative Guide for Parents. Barkley, R. (1995).
Dr. Barkley is the guru of ADHD. His was the first definitive book on the topic and he has been actively working in this area forever. This book is comprehensive and an excellent resource. It is easy to read, covers all the important topics, and provides pointed suggestions for dealing with the issues.
Is your child hyperactive? Inattentive? Impulsive? Distractible? Helping the ADD/Hyperactive Child. Garber, Garber, & Spitzman. (1995).
Beyond Ritalin. Garber, Garber, & Spitzman. (1997).
The Myth of the ADD Child: 50 Ways to Improve Your Child’s Behavior and Attention Span Without Drugs, Labels, or Coercion. Armstrong, T. (1995).
This book challenges the “mislabeling of millions of children as ADD.” The author “believes that many behaviors labeled as ADD are in fact a child’s active response to complex social, emotional, and educational influences.” Whether you buy this or not (and the author is wrong, it does exist), this book has a wonderful array of strategies for fostering self-control and focused attention (even if you really do have a child with ADHD).
Before the Well Runs Dry: Self-care for Parents of ADD/LD Children. Gehert, J. (1993).
ADHD/Hyperactivity: A Consumer’s Guide for Parents and Teachers. Gordon, M. (1991).
Answers to Distraction. Hollowell, E. M., & Ratey, J. J. (1996).
This volume follows up Drive to Distraction by answering the many questions that people have about ADHD. It is organized by topic and then by questions asked related to the topics. Much helpful information though the organization is hard to follow if you are looking for a specific question. You have to flip through the section to find it.
ADHD & Teens: Proven Techniques for Handling Emotional, Academic, and Behavioral Problems. Alexander-Roberts, C. (1995).
Describes the symptoms of ADHD, identifies problems areas that need to be addressed, provides warning signs for emerging problems, offers suggestions for coping, and teaches ways to become a better parent to ADHD teenagers. Medical Management, positive discipline, family dynamics, developing social skills, school and the student, and sexuality and dating are some of the chapter headings.
Hyperactivity: Why Won’t My Child Pay Attention (A complete guide to ADD for parents, teachers, and community agencies). Goldstein, S. & Goldstein, M. (199_).
ADD Success Stories: A Guide to Fulfillment for Families with Attention Deficit Disorder by Thom Hartman.
The angle of this book is to address ADD issues through the use of examples of regular (and famous) people who have ADD. Can be a useful adjunct book to have laying around for when your kid become discouraged or feels too different from everyone else. May more effective for communicating strategies and awareness issues than the present the information books.
And, for some ADD kids,
The Explosive Child. Greene, R. W.
What’s an explosive child? One who responds to routine problems with extreme frustration — crying, screaming, swearing, kicking, hitting, and worse. Throughout this compassionate, insightful, and practical book, Dr. Greene explains why traditional parenting and treatment often don’t work with these children, and describes what to do instead.
ADD/ADHD-for kids and teens
Making the Grade: An Adolescent’s Struggle with ADD. Parker, R. N. (1992). .
Adolescents and ADD: Gaining the Advantage. Quinn, P. O. (1995).
This is an information book for adolescents that is a little bit dated and not flashy. It is well organized, has a good section on medications, information about how to keep organized, and includes real kids talking about their ADHD. This would be for a more studious or intellectual child with ADHD.
Get off My Brain: A Survival Guide for Lazy Students by Randal McCutcheon.
Great little book written for kids (not ADD kids, just kids) about how to do some easy organizing and reordering of parts of your life and efforts that will improve school success, including how to get your teacher to like you without having to actually be the goody-goody student. Relevance to ADD/ADHD kids should be obvious.
ADD/ADHD-for college kids
Survival Guide for College Students with ADD or LD. Nadeau, K. (1994).
This is an information book that is brief and well written. It is mostly a resource book that is designed for kids who already know they have ADHD and what it is. It helps organize the different aspects of picking a college and identify the resources that are available when you attend (or how to access them). Covers many topics like study tips, etc. (More like a review than detailed steps on how to accomplish these. Another source will be necessary to develop or refine these issues.) Good resource to have handy.
Learning Outside the Lines: Two Ivy League Students with Learning Disabilities and ADHD Give You the Tools for Academic Success and Educational Revolution by Jonathan Mooney and Davie Cole.
This is a book written by 2 guys who suffered the frustrations and academic failures common with unrecognized ADD/ADHD/LD. They give your kid a view of how you can still pull things together and even make it to highly competitive colleges. Mostly for inspiration. General study strategies and suggestions for organizing your life provide a good overview. Specific strategies would be better found in how to study guides.
ADD and the College Student: A Guide for High School and College Students with Attention Deficit Disorders. Quinn, P. O. (1994).
This is an information book that describes the diagnosis, gives a questionnaire to see if they may have ADHD, treatment, legal requirements of colleges for kids with ADHD, etc. Despite it’s title, it seems more relevant for older adolescents (college bound high school juniors and seniors). Good information though not particularly compelling reading.
ADD/ADHD-for siblings
My Brother is a World Class Pain. Gordon, G. S.
This is the story of a young girl whose brother has ADHD. She tells the story of her brother’s pre-treatment behavior, going through treatment, and being on the other side from her perspective. Very good reading. For ages 6 to 12.
I’m Just An Ordinary Kid: How to Cope When Your Brother or Sister Has Attention Deficit Disorder. Holmes, S. (1995).
A book with advice and inspiration for siblings of a child with ADHD.
The Pain and the Great One. Blume, J. (1974).
A picture book that tells the story of sibling rivalry.
Feelings Between Brothers and Sisters. Conta, M. M., & Reardon, M. (1975).
ADD/ADHD-in adulthood
Women with Attention Deficit Disorder: Embracing disorganization at home and in the workplace by S. Solden.
This is an information book for women that provides both information and stories of real people for emphasis. It applies the issues of ADHD to the unique challenges faced by women. Less comprehensive than many.
A Comprehensive Guide to Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults: Research, Diagnosis, and Treatment. Nadeau, K. G. (1995).
This is an edited volume that contains chapters on almost every aspect of ADHD in adults. It is technical and comprehensive. You will know a lot about ADHD in adults with this work.
The Disorganized Mind: Coaching Your ADHD Brain to Take Control of Your Time, Tasks, and Talents by Nancy Ratey.
Is It You, Me, or Adult A.D.D.? Stopping the Roller Coaster When Someone You Love Has Attention Deficit Disorder by G. Pera & R. Barkley.
ADD/ADHD-teachers, physicians & others
Teaching with “I’m Somebody Too by S. Holmes.
A resource designed to accompany the novel “I’m Somebody Too.” Includes chapter summaries, exercises, definitions of ADD, reading strategies, discussion topics, writing activities, and ideas for integrating the material across curriculum and using multiple intelligences.
Mainstreaming Jason: An ADHD Success Story in Third Grade by J. Gehret.
A special report with classroom techniques to maximize the potential of a distractible child
ADHD/Hyperactivity: A Consumer’s Guide for Parents and Teachers by M. Gordon
The Diagnosis and Treatment of ADD/ADHD: A No Nonsense Guide for the Primary Care Physician by M. Gordon & M. Irwin.
This reference book has information for medical management of ADHD from preschoolers to adults. It includes diagnostic algorithms, medication protocols and patient instruction sheets, “how-to” forms, letters, and rating scales, a computer disk with relevant documents.
ADD/ADHD-your rights
Section 504 in the Classroom: How to Design and Implement Accommodation Plans by L. Miller & C. Newbill.
This book provides an overview of what are commonly called 504 plans – modifications of the regular classroom environment. Included are examples of 504 plans, lists of potential modifications, and example 504 forms. Written for professionals, it is also useful for parents.
Support and Training for Exceptional Parents Resource Book. www.steptn.org.
This grant funded organization will provide you with a wealth of information and support. They have a manual that provides all the legal and practical info about the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA) you need in dealing with the educational system.
Anger
I’m Not Bad I’m Just Mad: A Workbook to Help Kids Control Their Anger by Lawrence Shapiro, Zach Pelta-heller & Anna Greenwald
This is a really good interactive (workbook exercises) book. It is probably more for self-motivated middle to upper adolescent age in the level of writing but it also has really cool exercises and covers a comprehensive range of issues including understanding your anger, managing your anger and dealing with people who leave you feeling angry.
Take the Grrrr Out of Anger by Elizabeth Verdick and Margerie Lisovskis
This one is good for elementary age kids.
Hot Stuff to Help Kids Chill Out by Jerry Wilde
I really liked this book the best for kids to read themselves. It is a bit simplistic but probably necessarily so. Not too wordy, not to dumbed down. This is worth getting for a kid who is wanting to do something themselves about their anger.
Taming the Dragon in your Child by Meg Eastman.
This is a good, general parenting book to help your kid better manage their anger (from toddlers to early teens). You’ll find this really helpful.
If the Anger is in YOU
The Anger Workbook by L. Carter & F. Minirth
This is a Christian based anger management guide written for adults
The Anger Control Workbook by Matthew McKay and Peter Rogers
This is an excellent book but written for adults so it is probably going to work better with older teens. Very structured, very straightforward.
Taming the Tiger Within: Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions by Thick Nhat Hanh.
Prominent Buddhist scholar, peace activities and monk provides a collection of brief, one sentence-long thoughts and reflections on upsetting emotions.
Anger: Wisdom for Cooling the Flames by Thich Nhat Hanh
Prominent Buddhist monk (see Taming the Tiger above) takes you through techniques and perspectives that help you settle the anger you feel and still address the source.
Facing the Fire: Experiencing and Expressing Anger Appropriately by John Lee
I really like this book. Lee is well know for his work with men’s issues (hence his experience with fostering healthy anger).
Antiracism and Allyship
Anxiety, Fears and Phobias
Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain
Great book on the importance, value and greater effectiveness of more introverted people, and how we all mistake talking a lot and being pushy as leadership.
Why Smart Kids Worry by Allison Edwards
Even though this book is written for parents of smart, anxious children, the parts on anxiety and the strategies are great for the whole range of anxious kids.
BIPOC
Bipolar Disorder-general
The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide by D. Miklowitz.
Dr. Miklowitz’s book is for a great overview of bipolar disorder. It is written for adults with bipolar disorder but also is a good resource for spouses, partners and adult family members. This is the book to get
Bipolar Disorder-in kids and teens
The Bipolar Child by D. Papolos & J. Paolos
This is a great book to have as an overview (and beginning place) when you have a kid with bipolar disorder. It covers everything.
The Bipolar Teen by D. Miklowitz & E. L. George
This is the teen complement to The Bipolar Child. Also a wonderfully comprehensive overview of all the things you will need to be thinking about (and anticipating) with a teen who has bipolar disorder.
What Works for Bipolar Kids by M. Pavuluri & S. Resko
Here’s a how to parenting book with lots of suggestions and practical ideas. This is a good companion book to one of the overview bipolar books.
Bipolar Disorder-in family members
Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder. Fast, Julia & Preston, John. (2004).
Julie Fast and John Preston have written a ground breaking book for couples who want to prevent manic depressive disorder from hijacking their relationship. Fast, a health writer diagnosed with bipolar illness and clinical psychologist Preston are ideal companions. Their innovative ideas will be welcomed by exhausted partners of “bipolar individuals”–whose illness can cause them to alternate between manic and depressed behavior. Once medication has been prescribed, the key is studying the specific ways your partner is effected. This allows couples to develop pro-active strategies for treating and stabilizing mood swings and symptoms, before they develop into full-blown crises. The techniques emphasize prevention, rather than putting out fires. These include understanding the difference between the person and the disease (know when “the bipolar disorder is talking”) listing your partner’s specific symptoms, identifying the triggers that lead to these symptoms and transforming the “bipolar conversation” The goal of all the tools is to pinpoint early warning signs of a manic or depressive episode and be prepared with a holistic treatment plan. Other segments of the book deal with the work (checkered resumes) and financial problems (spending sprees) created by this illness. The author’s ideas are engaging, compassionate and realistic–an oasis of relief and hope.–Barbara Mackoff
My Mother’s Bipolar, So What Am I? by Angela Grett
This a great validating book when you have been raised by a mom with bipolar disorder. The author wrote this as an adult about her growing up experiences (as well as those of others with mom’s with bipolar disorder). If your kid has a poorly medically managed mom, it may be worth reading some of the sections together. I think the language is a bit above any except older adolescents (not profane, just more sophisticated).
Friends and Family Bipolar Guide by D. Meehl and M. Meehl
You will get some good ideas about how to deal with the challenges of having a family member with bipolar disorder. One thing I like about this book is that the authors identify specific issues and challenges so that you can recognize or anticipate them. And, they give specific suggestions about what to do, how to say things, how to know when you need to step back.
Borderline Personality Disorder
I have reservations about the use of personality disorder diagnoses and generally don’t use them. However, there are a constellation of characteristics that are widely discussed as borderline personality disorder. There are a couple of books that can be really helpful when someone you know is quick to anger, quick to blame, demanding and confrontational, all characteristics of people who fit the borderline personality disorder “diagnosis.” These can be useful resources when you have a relationship with someone who has these characterstics.
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking your Life Back with Someone You Care about has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason
Surviving a Borderline Parent: How to Heal your Childhood Wounds and Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-esteem by Kimberlee Roth
The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Egg Shells by Randi Kreger
Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood by W. Pollack.
Dr. Pollack is a psychologist who has been involved with a 20 year research project on studying men and masculinity. This book is very thorough and readable. It is more “academic” in that research plays a prominent role. This will make it a little harder to get through for most of us. Excellent resource but not for everyone.
Real Boys Voices by William Pollock
OK, Pollack is the man (so to speak). He is a clinician and an academic. These books are great for therapists (while also quite accessible to parents). They are more academic than Gurian’s works (though not in a bad way, just a little more formal style and language and therefore a little less accessible to regular people). For anyone that wants to hear how boys and teens really talk and feel, the Voices book is a collection of transcripts of boys accounts of various internal and external experiences. This can be useful as a way for kids to see what other boys think and feel (and you can give it to a kid who reads or read sections to those who hate to read).
The Wonder of Boys. Guiran, Michael. (1997).
This is without reservation the best book I have ever read on boys, men’s issues, and raising your son. It is exceptionally clear, thorough, easy to read yet addressing many of the complex issues of parenting. Gurian is on the back edge of the men’s movement/drumming in the woods to recapture your manhood experiential therapies. This book is perfect for regular people: comprehensive, well written in a conversational style, and hits all the important points. He overdoes the gender differences thing (biological and otherwise) but the larger implications will probably be lost on most people other than feminist scholars (or those intuitively self aware of gender politics). He isn’t a radical, just a guy encouraging guys regardless of the subtle sexist implications. He’s got several other books with variations on this theme. I think this is the best.
A Fine Young Man. Gurian, Michael. (1998).
Gurian has continued his exceptional explication of raising boys. This book focuses on dealing with teenagers and the challenges they face. Again, exceptional. Both are worth reading. If you have to choose, go for The Wonder of Boys because it is broader in it’s scope. Make the time to read both.
Raising Cain by Dan Kindlon & Michael Thompson
This is a good book about boy issues but information is harder for parents to glean from this. These authors make their points through vignettes drawn from their work with boys. I don’t like how it is organized compared to the above resources. The info is integrated within paragraphs so you have to read through text to get the info.
Wild At Heart by John Eldredge.
This is the book that Christians, especially more conservative Christians, have turned to in looking for a way to validate a masculine identity. It is passionate, Biblically based, and encouraging of men to live wild and free but with responsibility. I have trouble with this book from several directions. First, you have never read of more instances of manly activity short of a Teddy Roosevelt biography. He, along with his young sons, are forever climbing up rock faces, hunting caribou, kayaking down untamed rivers, all the while having meaningful, male experiences while staying in touch with their emotional side. His theology is from the punishing, vengeful God school which will not sit well with many people. Finally, Eldredge holds the view that men were ordained by God to be warriors fighting three enemies: the world, their flesh, and the devil. (Women, on the other hand, are ordained by God to be romanced, play a role in a great adventure, and unveil beauty.) It is a bit too anachronistic (and thereby too confining and narrow a definition of masculinity and manhood as well as being disrespectful of the capabilities and equality of woman) for me. There is a Wild At Heart workbook for people who want to take themselves (or their sons) through the passage to manhood.
Raising Boys Without Men by Peggy Drexler
Drexler’s book is based on a qualitative research project in which she examined the ways in which single moms and lesbian couples were raising their boys. It seemed to me that many of her descriptions of how women were raising boys without a live-in man ended with the equivalent of “and so a man isn’t necessary for this.” Then, throughout the book, you can read the comments of boys about wanting and needing men and male role models in their lives along with a longing (wistfully or greater) to have a dad-like man around. There are a lot of suggestions about the importance of finding ways to make a place for men (fathers, relatives, role models) in the lives of boys nevertheless.
Masculinity books for Men
Fire in the Belly by Sam Keen
This is my favorite book written for men on constructing a new definition of manhood and masculinity. With a strong dose of Freud, Jung, and the men’s movement writers, Keen reviews the traps of traditional masculinity and takes a shot at describing how men and women can be respectful, truly equal partners while respecting the unique contributions of gender. Conversational, intelligent, balanced (i.e., he takes both feminist ideologues and masculine victimhood to task), and thought provoking.
The Prince and The King by Michael Gurian
This is a personal guide for healing the father-son wound. Warning: mythopoetic spiritualism ahead. Enjoyable, clear presentation of the King, Warrior, Magician, Lover archetypes if you aren’t up to tackling the tomes written by Moore and Gillette. Gurian has had a whole industry around the recapturing your manhood thing and does a good job with it.
Boys as Victims
The Trouble with Boys by Peg Tyre
This book presents a clarion call for saving boys from society’s focus on girlifying things. The author doesn’t take the stance that advances in women’s lives and opportunities should be reversed, just that boys are suffering. She makes good points and brings real research to bear on her review of the ways in which boys are struggling. It is more a review and a call to action rather than a source of information about what parents or others can do. This is a good book for moms of boys to read. She clearly comes at understanding boys and men from a woman’s life experience. A mother who loves boys wrote this book. It shows and that’s a good thing.
The War Against Boys: How Misguided Feminism is Harming Our Young Men by Christina Hoff Sommers.
Whew! This is the next level out on the limb of how our poor boys are being terribly treated. It is a bit too strident for me despite being sympathetic to the argument and appreciating the garnering of facts to counter some of the extremist radical feminist rhetoric against manhood and masculinity (and, sometimes men as a gender). Unfortunately, she seems to cherry-pick (and sometimes misrepresent) the facts she uses to support her argument that feminists and the women’s movement are evil.
Academic Books on Masculinity
Manhood in America: A Cultural History by Michael Kimmel
I found this a fascinating (scholarly) history of how manhood has been defined in America. While Kimmel has some ideas about a more adaptive view of manhood (though it’s mostly about what not to be) the value of this book is in the historical context he provides for thinking about manhood. Note that Kimmel is known as a feminist scholar (and by that I mean that he has a bone to pick with male hegemony over the millennia). He has recently written a screed on young men called Guyland. While accurate about a segment of men, I fear it may do more damage than good in discussions of manhood and masculinity.
Iron John by Robert Bly
A classic “journey of manhood” book by a very smart, literate and somewhat old fashioned guy. If you are going to talk about men and manhood, you have to have read this book.
King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore & Douglas Gillette
THE resource for examining the mythopoetic masculine archetypes. If you have this intellectual or theoretical bent, there is no better resource. Very academic.
Bullying and Harassment
Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boys and the New Realities of Girl World by Rosalind Wiseman
Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-room Tests, Girlfriends and The New Rules of Boy World by Rosalind Wiseman
These books do a very good job of covering the issues girls and boys encounter in dealing with harassment by their particular gender group. They are good go-to books to understand what is going on and to get some ideas about what to do to help your kid navigate those challenges.
The Everything Parent’s Guide to Dealing with Bullies by Deborah Carpenter
This is a very well written and comprehensive book for parents. It is really for elementary and middle school issues rather than high school issues. This is a good book to have if your kid is getting picked on or harassed.
Mean Girls: 101½ Creative Strategies and Activities for Working with Relational Aggression by Kaye Randall and Allyson Bowen
This is a workbook that will help your daughter if she is dealing with bullying within girl culture (now called relational aggression). Excellent resource.
Letters to a Bullied Girl by Olivia Gardner
The author was bullied and taunted for years during high school. Two teenage sisters organized a letter writing campaign to provide support. This book has letters of all kinds from kids, parents, friends and relatives of the bullied. It also has letters from bullies. This can provide a lot of emotional and moral support for your kid if they have been targeted. This book is deeply touching.
Business Minded Entrepreneurial Kids
The Teenage Investor by Timothy Olsen
If your kid is interested in the stock market (or you want your kid to know about the stock market and long term investing) this is the book. It is excellent!
The New Totally Awesome Business Book for Kids by Arthur Bochner and Rose Bochner
This book is for young teens with ideas on traditional businesses they can start (e.g., lawn mowing, baby sitting, etc.) but with lots of information on the business aspect of things and more unconventional suggestions for making money. Good book for younger teens.
Bitten By the Business Bug by Jason O’Neil
Jason started developing businesses when he was a child (e.g., lemonade stands, recycling service) and eventually hit on a quirky idea that took off. He has written a book about being a childhood entrepreneur. As you might expect, it is written in the style of (and for) kids. It is also a good book for younger business minded teens. More informal and conversational than the Bochner book above.
Character and Moral Development
How to Have Kids with Character by Nadine Brown.
20 Teachable Virtues by Barbara Unell and Jerry Wykoff
Simple Truths by Kent Nerburn
Choosing Civility by P. M. Forni
Building Moral Intelligence by Michelle Borba
The Book of Virtues by William J. Bennett
Character is Destiny by John McCain and Mark Salter
We’re Not Leaving by Benjamin Luft
Interviews with 911 first responders in New York. Get this book and keep it on your coffee table for your kids to just happen to pick up.
Books that Build Character: A Guide to Teaching Your Child Moral Values Through Stories by William Kilpatrick, Gregory Wolfe and Suzanne Wolfe
Written in 1994, this provides suggested books to read for young and middle school age kids. Excellent resource to keep your kid reading and have them pick up lessons on character at the same time.
“I Didn’t Do It”: Dealing with Dishonesty by Elain McEwan
This is a brief but helpful book that covers the range of issues related to lying with suggestions for how to respond. Good, quick resource.
The Giving Heart by M. J. Ryan
This is a wonderful little book on generosity that covers the value of giving, the spirit of giving and the practice of giving. It is written for adults but it is perfect as a guide for parents to think about and encourage generosity in their kids.
Heroes for My Son by Brad Meltzer
Well, this book is absolutely beautiful. Get it. Read it with your kid. Meltzer wrote it for his childhood age son but it is really ageless and it is as important to remind your teenager about heroism as it is your younger kid. He’s got a website on the issue of heroism and recognizing people in your life who are your personal heros.
Heroes for My Daughter by Brad Meltzer
OK, he did it again with this one. The whole range of female (and male) role models and heroic individuals in a whole range of areas of life and in many different forms (not all the “curing cancer” kind of hero).
Hunting for Hope by Scott Russel Sanders
Here’s the brief: The author is challenged by his teenage son to provide some evidence that he has hope for the future. “I have to believe there’s a way to get out of this mess. Otherwise, what’s the point?” This book is Sanders’s answer to that challenge.
Sanders is a beautiful, inspiring writer. He is a “tree hugger” (as my father would say) who has a deep and abiding respect and love for the natural world and the promise of the future. It just turned out that he was spending too much time commenting on the concerned side when talking to his son. He has wonderful passages describing the nature of the human condition and our relationship to nature and the planet. He organizes the book around what he identifies as the sources of hope. (These are interspersed with personal reflections from his own life that relate to these promises for the future.) The sources? Wildness, the body’s ongoing renewal, family, fidelity, skill, simplicity, beauty, the sacred. This book lifted me up, brought tears to my eyes, spoke to some inner part of me. It was deeply touching and thought provoking. And it pissed me off.
Let me be clear. I highly recommend this book. It has become one I give out to teenage clients who have lost hope. But, here’s the rub. WHO CAN LIVE LIKE THIS? Sanders has gloriously revealed real, convincing proof for the human potential for joy and happiness (in the philosophical sense, so that really means contentment) and, of course, hope. He spent several pages recounting this extended day spent with his family (wife, 19yo son stopping by for the weekend from college to hang out with the family, 24yo engaged, college educated daughter, her well-matched college educated fiancée, his delightful parents). The day began with the baking of pies while winterizing the house. They then virtually remodeled his own mother’s house (while she cheerfully repotted flowers), refinished some salvaged dining room chairs (for the soon to be newlyweds), cleared fallen timber from his soon to be in-laws property (that lay along a babbling brook), chopped it into firewood, hauled it home and stacked it (next to the compost bin and covered so that it could age) and finished the day with dinner at the in-laws where they consumed the aforementioned pies. All the while they engaged in warm, witty and insightful repartee feeling the warmth of family togetherness and mutual love. Did I mention that Sanders is a college professor, has authored 7 works of fiction, 8 works of non-fiction and 6 children’s books? Shall I recount the number of trips he casually mentions where he and his son go on camping, hiking, backpacking and white water rafting trips? DO THESE PEOPLE SLEEP? They are a marvel of meaningful, productive, highly intellectual, self-reflective, physically active and socially responsible activity.
But, come on. What if things really suck? Just fill in all the ways in which things could go wrong.
College and Career Issues
Choices for the High School Graduate: A Survival Guide for the Information Age by Bryna Fireside
There are more options for you than just going right to college (though everyone knows that a college degree provides (statistically) greater income potential and gives you credibility). But, all the academic requirements of college isn’t for everyone. Here is a book that helps you explore other options while taking seriously the need for you to develop some real lifetime employment potential. And it has an simple self-test to see what you may be suited for.
Success Without College: Why Your Child May Not Have to Go to College Right Now–and May Not Have to Go At All by Linda Lee
300 Best Jobs Without a Four-Year Degree by Michael Farr and Laurence Shatkin.
Communication-general
Discipline That Works: Promoting Self-discipline in Children by T. Gordon.
This book is a good one for parents who have a focus discipline that promotes autonomy in their children. It has many good sections and lots of examples. Communication is an important aspect of this book with explanations and directions for improving this part of the relationship.
No More Nagging, Nit-picking, & Nudging: A Guide to Motivating, Inspiring, and Influencing Kids Aged 10-18 by J. Wiltens.
This is a fun book that is oriented toward promoting autonomy. It is not as comprehensive as the others, it gives a nice, simple, and understandable overview of parenting issues without the details. I like it but it is definitely an add-on rather than a basic book for parenting collections.
Small Talk Savvy by Wadsworth.
This handy little book has lots to say about how to make small talk. It can be useful for kids if they are shy/anxious and it can be useful for parents if they are trying to have better communication with their teen.
Parents and Adolescents Living Together: Part 2: Family Problem Solving by M. Forgatch & G. Patterson. (1989).
This is a training manual for improving parenting skills. Section 1 focuses on communication is a topic in this part with some very structured, straightforward instructions with examples and practice situations. Section 2 focuses on sex, alcohol and drugs, school problems, and antisocial behavior.
How to Talk to Teens about Really Important Things. Specific Questions and Answers and Useful Things to Say by C. E. Schaefer & T. F. DiGeronimo. (1999).
This is a book that has chapters on all sorts of issues that are difficult to talk to talk about with teens. This is less about how to communicate with your teen and more about how to be prepared to discuss difficult topics:Divorce, death, date rape, alcohol and drugs, internet, HIV/AIDS, sex and related topics, STDs, tattoos/piercings, competition, cults, depression,morals/religion, gangs, homosexuality, porn, prejudice, puberty, violence.
Real Boys Workbook by W. Pollack & K. Cushman.
Pollack wrote a slew of books about boys (Real Boys is the flagship volume). He is a Harvard professor, etc. There is lots of good, practical stuff in this book including questionnaires and thought questions as well as having direct instructions about the issues addressed. It is a good resource. LOTS of info on communication, relationships, and ways to help boys negotiate the different contexts of their lives.
Boy Talk: How You Can Help Your Son Express His Emotions by M. Polce-Lynch. (2002).
Focused specifically on helping boys learn to manage and integrate their emotional lives. Concrete, easy to follow instructions for raising emotionally competent boys.
How to Talk With Teens about Love, Relationships, and Sex: A Guide for Parents by A. G. Miron & C. D. Miron.
I really like this book. It is comprehensive and straightforward with excellent recommendations, examples and strategies for addressing anything to do with dating and sexuality. This is definitely one to have on your bedside table. It will help you think your way through what YOU think and then help prepare you to actually discuss the issues with your teen.
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & E. Mazlish
This is the one. It has been around forever and everyone always recommends it.
Communication-with doctors
The Intelligent Patient’s Guide to the Doctor-Patient Relationship: Learning How to Talk So Your Doctor Will Listen by Korsch, Barbara M. & Harding, Caroline.
This book gives advice on getting the most out of doctor visits, illustrated by doctor-patient conversations and real-life experiences. Tells how to ask the right questions, understand the answers, and how to survive managed care. Also offers insight into the doctor’s side of the relationship. This book was written by a physician who found herself belittled and patronized by her own physician.
Communication-with kids and teens
Cults
Cults: What Parents Should Know by The American Family Foundation
If your kid has gotten themselves involved in a group that makes you think its a cult, this book will help you sort out some of the issues. It is more of an overview that will arm you to know how to proceed and what to expect. This is the first book to buy.
Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan
This book, on the other hand, is for when you know your kid is in a cult and have decided you are going to wade right in and do something about it. Don’t try to do this on your own! Get some help from someone who knows what they are doing.
Dating-general parenting
How to Talk With Teens about Love, Relationships, and Sex: A Guide for Parents by A. G. Miron & C. D. Miron.
I really like this book. It is comprehensive and straightforward with excellent recommendations, examples and strategies for addressing anything to do with dating and sexuality. This is definitely one to have on your bedside table. It will help you think your way through what YOU think and then help prepare you to actually discuss the issues with your teen.
Dating-for Teens
The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating by Annie Fox
This is a really good book about relationships for teens. It is readable (like having a conversation) and it also isn’t all about sex and sexual decision making. It is actually about relationships (including with siblings). This is a way for your kid to think through things they may not have faced but need to consider before they find themselves in the situation.
Understanding Guys: A Guide for Teenage Girls by Michael Gurian.
This is an excellent book on the differences between boys and girls to help girls understand why boys act so stupid. It is very well written. It is not a complete resource. It deals almost exclusively with the psychological and social ways of boys. It has suggestions for how girls can engage boys in conversation, understand their reactions, etc. The best book for understanding boys from a teens perspective I have read. (It would be an interesting book for boys to understand more about themselves.) You will want to examine the section on sexuality before you turn it over to your daughter. He promotes abstinence through discussion alternative means of being sexual.
Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud & John Townsend.
Deeply Christian-based book on dating (really for young adults but still relevant for mid to older teens). Explicitly advocates saving sex for marriage as what God wants for us. Lots of good info about establishing your expectations and setting boundaries (hence the name?), and identifying important qualities in a potential dating partner. Probably will need to be a joint effort of you and your kid reading and discussing.
Dating-GLBT
Depression-General
The Good News About Depression: Breakthrough Medical Treatments that Can Work for You by Mark Gold.
The best book on depression that I have found. Easy to read, truly comprehensive, and a must for anyone with (or with immediate family members with) depression. I can’t say enough about this one.
The Depression Workbook. A Guide for Living with Depression and Manic Depression by M. E. Copeland.
This workbook can take you through important aspects of understanding and managing mood disorders including a better understanding of the disorder, paying attention to and building a support system, and making a life that enhances wellness. It includes questionnaires, charts, and other helpful ways to monitor and stay on top of the illness. Very readable and practical. Written for adults.
Depression-in kids and teens
Out of the darkness: Teens talk about suicide. (M. Crook, 2003).
The author interviewed teen suicide survivors and their family members. Lots of insight, lots of validation, instructions about how to handle depressed teens and hope offered through the progress made by the survivors. Can be a useful adjunct book.
Depression-in Family Members
When Someone You Love is Depressed: How to Help Your Loved One Without Loosing Yourself by Laura Rosen & Xavier Amador.
This book is designed for partners of someone who is struggling with depression. It is a good source of support and understanding of what is (and will be) faced and what you can do for them and for yourself. Can be adapted to thinking about having a depressed child.
Black-eyed Susan by Jennifer Armstrong.
Ten year old Susie rejoices in their new home on the prairie while struggling to understand her mother’s sadness about the move reflected in the absence of simple pleasures “How come ma won’t bake pies anymore?”. This is a sweet, brief story about a child’s view of her mother’s depression.
Sad Days, Glad Days: A Story about Depression by Dewitt Hamilton.
A story book about a young girls struggles with her mother’s mood swings and erratic behavior. This book about children coping with a parent’s depression is centered on a girl taking care of a stray cat which helps her mother recognize her child’s needs during this time. Ages 6-9
Depression-for parents
Lonely, Sad, and Angry: A Parent’s Guide to Depression in Children and Adolescents by Barbara Ingersoll & S. Goldstein.
Good reference for parents that provides information on all aspects of depression in children and adolescents including diagnosis, causes, interventions with some good appendices.
A Parent’s Guide for Suicidal and Depressed Teens: Help for Recognizing if a Child is in Crisis and What to do about it by Kate Williams.
This book was written by a mother of a teen who was suicidally depressed as a way to provide information about what you can go through and what you can do. It is easy to read and has lots of excellent information. This is a good book to have if your child is moderately to severely depressed. One interesting aspect is a focus on taking care of yourself as a parent. (It is published by an Alcoholics Anonymous publishing house so it has an addictions orientation.)
Kid Power Tactics for Dealing with Depression by N. Dubuque & Susan Dubuque. (Also includes A Parents Survival Guide to Childhood Depression.)
This unique set of books was written by an 11-year-old child who suffers from depression and his mother. In plain language, these books one addressed to children and the other to parents and professionals, provide a wealth of information to help make sense of the comples problems childhood depression and find ways of coping. Ages 8+
Will’s Choice: A suicidal teen, a desperate mother, and a chronicle of recovery by G. Griffith.
Memoir of the unexpected suicide attempt of the author’s 17 year old son and the road to recovery for everyone involved. This is a powerful book about the aftermath of a child’s suicide attempt and the attempts to understand (major depressive disorder rather than some dramatic precipitating event) and heal. It can help parents get a sense for what they may face and good information (and examples) about how to make your way through.
Divorce and Separation Issues-General
Crazy Time: Surviving Divorce and Building a New Life by Abigail Trafford, Abigail.
This book is for adults who are experiencing divorce that provides both information and advice. The text is interspersed with interviews with people struggling through this difficult life event. This is more for yourself than for knowing about what to do for your kids.
Separating Together: How Divorce Transforms Families by A. Steward, A. P. Copeland, & J. E. Malley.
This book follows 100 divorcing families to examine both quantitative (statistics and qualitiative (descriptions) aspects of the positive and negative effects of divorce on family members. Very research-y but good.
Divorce and Separation Issues-for Kids and Teens
check out the section on divorce in the teen pages
Divorce-Adult kids
The Way They Were: Dealing with Your Parents Divorce After A Lifetime of Marriage by Brooke Lea Foster
Divorce and Separation Issues-Fathers
Be a Great Divorced Dad by Kenneth Condrell.
The Prodigal Father. Reuniting Fathers and their Children by Mark Bryan.
This is a great book for understanding the effects of fathers loosing contact with their children (primarily through divorce). It provides excellent support and concrete suggestions for re-establishing a relationship with your child. It is very strong on accountability, responsibility, and making a commitment to having a relationship with your child, regardless of how long it takes (and sometimes it takes years).
The Single Father: A Dad’s Guide to Parenting Without a Partner by A. Brott.
This is a good book for single fathers. It helps you identify potential problems, plan time with your kids, and find ways to stay or become more active in their lives. Good resource for problems that can arise.
Divorce and Separation Issues-Mothers
Divorce and Separation Issues-parenting
Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll
Pedro-Carroll is a therapist and researcher who has been working with and studying children of divorce for decades. This book brings much of her experience and expertise together. She is particularly expert in childhood issues. She covers how kids react to divorce, how to tell them about the divorce (including scripts), making individual and joint parenting decisions, how to help build up your child’s resilience and dating and remarriage. She also provides advice that is based on the developmental age of your kid.
Helping children cope with divorce by Edward Teyber
Excellent book to understand the impact and process of separation and divorce on children. This book focuses primarily on helping parents understand what their children are going through. It also provides suggestions for helping this be as easy a process as possible. As many parents come to know, the demands of getting a “good deal” in a divorce often come at the sacrifice of the children. A must read for parents going through divorce.
How to Help Your Child Overcome Your Divorce: For Separating, Divorcing, and Divorced Parents with Children ages Twelve and Under by Elissa Benedek, Elissa & Catherine Brown.
This book is very well written. It covers a wide range of issues including deciding to divorce, telling the children, understanding the impact on kids and minimizing the effects, visitation, disciplining as a divorced parent, and more. A good book to get for direct information on what to do during all of the upheavals of divorce.
Children of Divorce: A Practical Guide for Parents, Attorneys, and Therapists by William Bernet.
This is a very concise book organized in almost outline form. It is thorough and easy to read. It does not beat around the bush. This would be a good book for the pragmatic, analytical parent. Again, it covers all the bases and is thorough. An excellent book for addressing the decisions divorcing parents must make. Many of these are laid out and examined for their merit and effects on the children with guidelines for decision making.
Difficult Questions Kids Ask (And Are Too Afraid To Ask) About Divorce by Meg F. Schneider and Joan Zuckerberg
The authors present the kinds of questions and statements kids (from toddlers to early teens) ask and what they might really mean by the questions. Not as practical as other books but it does help understand the underlying concerns kids may have.
The Boys and Girls Book of Divorce by Richard Gardner.
This book has been around for ever. The first widely circulated book written for kids. Is a little bit dated but has good, solid information and exercises.
Dealing with an uncooperative, hostile or toxic ex-spouse
Co-parenting With A Toxic Ex: What to do when your ex-spouse tries to turn the kids against you by Amy J. L. Baker & Paul R. Fine.
Great overview of how to get and keep yourself in the best frame of mind for the many ways that an ex can try to put your child in the middle and try to get them to take sides. Has some workbook like exercises and has some suggestions for how to counter some of the undesirable behavior your kid is being encouraged to show toward you. This is for an ex who undermines and can be hateful but NOT one who is actively trying to sabotage and poison your kid against you. See Divorce Poison below for that.
Joint Custody With A Jerk: Raising a child with an uncooperative ex A Hands-on, practical guide to communicating with a difficult ex-spouse by Julie A Ross & Judy Corcoran.
This one is great for dealing with your ex (not so much in dealing with your kid who is being influenced by your ex). It is REALLY helpful; lots of great advice on the whole range of areas made problematic by a jerk of an ex.
Divorce Poison: How to protect your family from bad-mouthing and brainwashing by Richard A Warshak
This is a great book for figuring out what to do when your ex is actively trying to turn your kid agains you (including making false and destructive allegations of abuse or neglect). Bad mouthing, bashing and brainwashing; alienated children; malignant motives; alienating environment; the corruption of reality; poison control; getting professional help; letting go: these are the chapters. Hope you won’t be needing this one.
Driving
Teenage Road Hogs by Michael Schein.
This is an interesting little book that is written for teens about many issues related to the mechanics and challenges of driving. It is good enough for most teens, provides a nice jumping off point for discussions, and has a really nice section on talking your parents into getting you a vehicle.
Fatherhood
Fears, Anxieties and Phobias-General
Fears, Anxieties and Phobias-for kids and teens
Fears, Anxieties and Phobias-Parents
When Your Child is Afraid by R. Schachter, & Carole McCauley.
This is the most comprehensive book on fears in children (ages 1-15) I have ever seen (over 74) including fear of bathrooms, bad thoughts, being handicapped, burglars, infection, and nuclear war to name a few. It is written so that regular people can use it. It contains every kind of fear you can think of, talks about what are normal fears for children at different ages, and gives practical, easy to follow steps about what you can do to help your child.
The Panic Attack, Anxiety, and Phobia Solutions Handbook by Muriel MacFarlane.
An easy to read book that provides information on panic, anxiety, and phobias, causes, treatments, strategies for minimizing these symptoms, and remedies for gaining relief. Good overview that is written for regular people.
The Good News About Anxiety by Mark Gold.
This guy writes great books. They are thorough, comprehensive, and written so that regular people can understand them. He is a strong proponent of being informed about your condition and about the many different things you can do about it. He wrote The Good News About Depression which I consider the best book about depression written to date. This is at a little bit higher level than most popular press books about anxiety but very readable. You will know what you need to know when you finish this one.
Overcoming Panic, Anxiety, and Phobias: New Strategies to Free Yourself from Worry and Fear by Shirly Babior, & Carol Boldman.
I really like this book. It is made to be a self-study course in managing your anxiety disorders. It is well organized and not too stuffy. An excellent overview of what good cognitive behavioral anxiety treatment should include.
Friendships, Peers, Popularity and Cliques
Cliques: Eight Steps to Help Your Child Survive the Social Jungle by Charlene C. Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese
Cliques has a twofold message: things are much worse in middle school than you think, and as a parent, there are specific steps you can and should take to make the situation better. The first claim is unnecessary–we all know that cruel stuff happens to kids in junior high school–but the authors go on to give advice about how to help your child survive.The book addresses two different phenomena: bullying and cliques. The latter (those impenetrable social castes that admit and exclude children at whim) often employ “the fourth R–ridicule” to devastate the self-esteem of those who are “out.” This tormenting of peers is not only random and cruel but also often criminal.The book is divided into eight “steps,” each a practical lesson, such as “Help Your Child Belong” and “Empower Your Victim.” The sections end with a short, practical list of “Things You Can Do” (e.g., “Work on reducing the conflicts that disrupt your family”) and “Things You Cannot Do” (e.g., “Make your child more popular”). The final step, “Lobby for Change,” contains some practical advice on what you can do to make schools into kinder, gentler places. It is heartening to hear that programs set up and run by savvy, big-hearted kids have been some of the most effective in addressing the issues. –Richard Farr
A Smart Girl’s Guide to Friendship Troubles by Patti Criswell and Angela Martini
This is a good book for young teens about the girl friendships (and the troubles that arise). Chapters include All About Friends, Friendship Hot Spots (best friend, left out, etc.), Working It Out, Betrayal, Bullies and Rule Setters, All About You. Cartoon like illustrations but age appropriate, good information, not too wordy but covers things well. Worth having around beginning in 5-6 grade.
The Unwritten Rules of Friendship: Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends by Natalie M. Elman and Eileen Kennedy-Moore.
I like how this book is organized. It has questions to see what kind of kid you have (basic personality disposition), provides unwritten rules of friendship that are particularly problematic for that kind of kid and then lots of strategies for helping them get better at recognizing the rules and avoiding the pitfalls. Though it is written for elementary age kids, I think you would be able to translate it into strategies for younger teenagers too.
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning
Bernstein, R. A. Straight Parents Gay Children: Keeping Families Together (revised edition). New York: Thunder’s Mouth Press, 2007.
DeGeneres, B. Love Ellen, A Mother Daughter Journey. New York: Ross Weisbach Books, 1999.
Griffin, C. W., Wirth, M. J. and Wirth, A. G. Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians, and Gays Talk About Their Experiences (updated edition). New York: St. Martin’s Press, 1996.
Herdt, G. and Koff, B. Something to Tell you: The Road Families Travel when a Child is Gay. New York: Columbia University Press, 2000.
Jennings, Kevin and Gottlieb, Patricia. Always my child: a parent’s guide to understanding your gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, or questioning son or daughter. New York: Touchstone, 2002.
LaSala, M. C. Coming Out, Coming Home: Helping Families Adjust to a Gay or Lesbian Child. New York: Columbia University Press, 2010.
Lopata, M. E. Fortunate families: Catholic families with lesbian daughters and gay sons. Victoria, B.C., Canada: Trafford, 2003.
Savin-Williams, R. C. Mom, Dad, I’m Gay: How Families Negotiate Coming Out. Washington DC: American Psychological Association, 2001.
The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals by Stephanie Brill and Rachel Pepper
I found this to be a helpful, comprehensive (including being a little bit academic in places) book for parents. This covers all the issues including the particular gender identity path traveled by transgender kids, acceptance issues, various decisions, dealing with the school, medical personnel and family, etc.
Helping Your Transgender Teen by Irwin Krieger
People have good things to say about this book for parents of transgender teens.
Unmasking Sexual Con Games Parent Edition by Ron Herron and Kathleen Sorenson. (The companion to Unmasking Sexual Con Games: A Teen’s Guide to Avoiding Emotional Grooming and Dating Violence by K. M. McGee and L. J. Buddenberg reviewed in the teens book section)
This provides some ways to think about and talk about the manipulations and outright aggression by a small subset of boys (discussed in heterosexual relationships) that your daughter needs some info on to spot their techniques and the situations they try to orchestrate to pressure them to do things they don’t want or uncomfortable with.
Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls by Mary Pipher.
This is a modern classic on the issues confronting girls, young and old women in our society. Many of the challenges faced by parents of girls are highlighted or revealed. There are some good ideas about things to do and how to help your child be more likely to confront womenhood.
The First Time by Karen Bouris
This book has gathered stories from women of all ages (and so, different generations) about their first experience with sexual intercourse. With chapter titles like Wedding Nights-or almost, pressure from all directions, a conscious choice, just get it over with, violation in all its forms, women loving women, the romantic minority; there is the full range of experiences. This can be helpful both as cautionary tales for young women as well as a catalyst for discussing what sex in a relationship should be.
Venus in Blue Jeans by Nathalie Bartle
I found this a wonderful book about issues facing parents of girls. It has a conversational style and covers a broad range of topics. Practical advice ideally suited for parents of late childhood/early adolescent girls.
The Wonder of Girls by Michael Gurian
Gurian is best known for his wonderful books on boys and boy issues. I love his writing style and the kinds of information he weaves together in talking about teens. With a few minor quibbles about some issues that could be attributed to his greater understanding of guys, I found this a really good book on teenage girl development with information on parenting.
Raising Strong Daughters by Jeanette Gadeberg
All girls are now faced with the necessity of melding traditional girl rules into the development of strong, independent and self-reliant qualities. It is quite a challenge. This book breezes through parenting of girls from this perspective. I say breezes because it is not especially detailed for each of the issues. But, I think that works in this case because the parenting aspect of this is more about becoming more aware of these issues and how to help your daughter rather than the extensive coverage of each and every aspect of adolescent girl development. This is a really useful additional book for you to consider these challenges girls face.
Dads and Daughters by Joe Kelly
This is a nice book for Dads to consider the issues specific to fathering their daughter. It will help you anticipate things that are relevant for girls since you have no experience with it from your own life.
Dilemmas of Desire by Deborah Tolman
Girls still do not know what to do with sexuality in this age of equality and the (long overdue) legitimacy of girls as people with their own sexual needs and desires. This book focuses on this struggle. It can help you get a grasp of what your daughters are going to be trying to make their way through in trying to find a place for sex and sexuality in their lives.
Unhooked by Laura Sessions Stepp
This is a great, painful book to read. This should be a must read for older teens and college age women. The terrible costs of the opening up of the sexual life of girls without any framework for it has led to the assumption of a male model for sexuality (sex as sport and physical experience). You need to know what this book talks about to help your daughter figure her way through this confusing mess.
Young Girls (and the Sexualization of our Kids)
So Sexy So Soon by Diane Levin & Jean Kilbourne
The messages our daughters are being sent about the importance of sex and sexiness has made it’s way into infancy. I really like how this book covers the issues and has suggestions across childhood. There is a section on adolescence but it really just a kind of foreshadowing of how the kid stuff evolves. If you have a child (either male or female) this book is worth getting so you can begin to realize what is happening and what you can do.
Cinderella Ate My Daughter by Peggy Ornstein
Here is information about the childhood side of the tremendous challenges and pressures girls encounter about being girly, competitive, competent, sexually forward and feminine at the same time. You can never start to early to try to filter out the negative aspects of the remarkable opportunities our young women have available to them to be equal in every sense in this country.
For girls
Girltalk by Carol Weston
A comprehensive book on adolescent girl issues written by a long-time teen advice columnist. Chapters include Body, Friendship, Love, Sex, Family, Education, Money, Smoking/Drinking/Drugs. Good book for your daughter.
Gutsy Girls by Tina Schwager and Michele Schuerger
25 gutsy girls are doing gutsy things (mountain climbing, surfing, circus performer, skydiver, fossil hunter, drag racer). Then, a section on how to be gutsy. Opens up the range of possible futures for your daughter.
Girl Power by Patty Ellis
This is a book for middle school age girls (and a bit dated with reference to Billy Crystal movies and Grease). I think it is a good book to give your daughter a beginning overview of teen dating issues.
Grandparent Issues
Levin, Sunie. (199_). You and Your Grandchildren: Special Ways to Keep in Touch. Grandparenting, POBox 11143, Shawnee Mission, KS, 66207. $9.50.
Grief, Loss and Death-general
Life is a Gift: Inspirations from the Soon Departed by Bob and Judy Fisher (2008)
This is a beautiful little book that will have you reflecting on what is really important without having to face your impending death to accomplish it. The authors interviewed 109 people from 5 to 95 who were in hospice and so were very close to death. They asked: What are you most proud of? What has been your greatest joy? What has been your greatest disappointment? What’s the most important thing you have ever done? What do you regret? What comes next for your? If you could give one message to the world, what would it be? Inspirational.
Beyond Grief: A Guide for Recovering From the Death of a Loved One. Staudacher, C. (1987).
Coping with Loss (S. Nolen-Hoeksema & J. Larson, 1999).
This is an academic book that is a comprehensive review of the factors that influence and result from the loss of a spouse, parent or sibling. Nolen-Hoeksema is a brilliant academician, the top of her field. The book is an excellent review. Parents will find it too academic and not practical enough. Clinicians will find it invaluable.
Unattended Sorrow. Stephen Levine.
This is a beautifully written description of the journey through the heart of sorrow. It is as though Levine is gently holding you up as he helps you understand the impulse to deny and avoid and the peace of acceptance. Lots of suggestions for dealing with grief that are quietly and gently presented. This book is really in a class by itself with that combination. May be too above teens.
A man you know is grieving: 12 ideas for helping him heal from loss/When a man faces grief: 12 practical ideas to help you heal from loss. (T. R. Golden & J. E. Miller, 1998)
This is an excellent book. One half is written for a man who has suffered a loss and the other half is written for someone who knows a man who has suffered a loss. It is written for men, and well written. Brief but thorough, interesting concept. One of the books to get a man (or teenage boy) who is grieving.
How can I help: 12 things to do when someone you know suffers a loss/What will help me: 12 things to remember when you have suffered a loss. (J. E. Miller, 2000)
Another excellent book that is not specific to men (see A man you know is grieving). Wonderful words for how to help someone, and yourself.
Swallowed by a snake: The gift of the masculine side of healing. (T. Golden, 2000).
A beautiful guide through the unique challenges of grieving in men. A book of understanding for men or the women who love them. It is a book of self understanding and a guide through the process. Excellent (especially for men who are readers).
Healing Conversations: What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say by Nance Guilmartin
When YOU are dying
When you know you are dying: 12 thoughts to guide you through the days ahead. (J. E. Miller, 1997)
Where will you find a book that is gentle, brief and affirming for someone who has learned they are dying? Exceptional and unique. It will work for teens who face this tragedy.
A Beginner’s guide to the End: Practical Advice for Living Life and Facing Death. B J Miller & Shoshana Berger
This is the book. Comprehensive coverage of all the things you will face when you are reaching the end of life.
Grief, loss and death-parenting kids
How to we tell the children? Helping children understand and cope when someone dies by Dan Schaefer & Christine Lyons.
The Grieving Child: A Parent’s Guide by Helen Fitzgerald.
This is an information book offering practical advice for parents of preschool to teenage children on explaining death and dealing with issues related to visiting the seriously ill or dying, talking about death and illness, selecting useful books, addressing murder/suicide, and attending funerals. Excellent resource at a time when parents are often also dealing with loss. This helps you not have to figure out everything yourself.
After a parent’s suicide: Helping children heal by M. Requarth.
This book is awesome. Comprehensive, clear and helpful. It provides you with everything you need to know and think about to help a kid through the death, the funeral and the aftermath. I don’t know of anything like it and it is excellent! An invaluable book for adults helping a kid through the suicide of a parent.
Helping children grieve: When someone they love dies. (T. Huntley, 1991). Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortress
Information about children at different ages and a section on helping a child who is dying. Well organized, thorough and straightforward with direct instructions while being brief. Good book.
Creating Meaningful Funeral Services. A guide for families by A. Wolfelt.
Don’t know what to do? Can’t think straight? Want to try to make a ceremony that means something to you? This is the book. A must have resource for figuring out how to honor your loved one in a way that fits for you without having to talk to someone else about it.
Guiding your child through grief. (M.& J. Emswiler, 2000).
This is a question and answer book that is comprehensive and easy to read. A good single resource.
Parenting through crisis: Helping kids in times of loss, grief, and change by B. Coloroso
This is a comprehensive book that covers death, illness, divorce, bringing a child into your home through adoption, etc. along with some parenting suggestions (including age related differences in understanding of grief and loss). It has a wonderful, somewhat spiritual (though not Christian) sensibility (i.e., lots of references to Buddhist concepts) so if that is your orientation, this would be a good book for you. Not specific enough and not comprehensive enough for me. Kind of spits the difference and misses it both ways.
35 ways to help a grieving child. (Dougy Center, 1999) The Dougy Center, www.dougy.org
I like this little book. Very direct, practical suggestions that contain grief education in the descriptions of the activities and responses. Great additional resource to a general book about grief and loss.
Healing your grieving heart: 100 practical ideas. (A. Wolfelt, 1998) Companion Press. www.centerforloss.com
Wonderful. Don’t know how to turn your grief into action, this is the book for you. Wonderful, surprising ideas. Can help tremendously in dealing with the helplessness you feel.
Grief, loss and death-for kids and teens
The Saddest Time by Norma Simon & Albert Whitman.
Story book for adults to read with children ages 6-12. Three stories that reveal the emotions that children and family feel when a close relative dies.
Grandma’s Scrapbook by Josephine Nobisso
Story book for ages 8 and up. A treasured memory scrapbook is kept to chronicle their summers together.
Mick Hart Was Here by Barbara Park.
Story of a 7th grade girls whose 4th grade brother is killed when hit by a car. Sweet, realistic story of how the family copes with the death. The ending is realistic with some loose threads but with life moving on.
How it feels with a parent dies. (J. Krementz, 2000).
Essays by children from ages 7-16 describing the effects of their parents death and how they got through it. Excellent, private support for a kid who faces this long road.
When a friend dies: A book for teens about grieving and healing by M. Gootman.
A small, simply written (and so isn’t overwhelming to a non-reading kid) that covers all the aspects of loss of a friend. Beautiful little book that can begin the process of understanding.
When nothing matters anymore: A survival guide for depressed teens. (B. Cobain, 1998)
This is a more general book about depression that includes suicidal feelings written by Curt Cobain’s cousin. Solid book, accurate information but a bit too bookish for most teens. Maybe for younger teens.
Fire in my heart, Ice in my veins. (S.Traisman, 1992). www.centering.org
A workbook for children and teens going through grief with questions and opportunities for kids to go through some of the things they struggle with in dealing with loss. It is a good resource but really is designed to take a kid or young teen through their feelings; not exactly something to just give to them unless they are a journaling-kind of kid.
Here are some links to websites devoted to children and teen grief and loss
The Dougy Center
Barr-Harris Children’s Grief Center
Grief, loss and death-books for young children
Here are some that I think are good but just because I already know about them
- When Dinosaurs Die
- Lifetimes
- The Fall of Freddie the Leaf (good but I can’t tell if it would work for a kid younger than 1st grade)
- The Velveteen Rabbit (death and the afterlife in a beautiful story form)
This is a very big list and so gives you lots of options
http://www.whatsyourgrief.com/childrens-books-about-death/
This list is of fiction books that deal with death in the story. For older children, say about 8 or older.
https://www.theguardian.com/childrens-books-site/2015/feb/05/top-10-childrens-books-on-death-bereavement-holly-webb
This list is for younger children, I really liked this list for younger children about the loss of a parent or parent figure
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/blog/kids/7-books-to-help-a-child-cope-with-the-loss-of-a-parent/
Good annotated list of books so you can tell what they are about. Several of the books I have also found helpful are on this list
https://www.thechildrensbookreview.com/weblog/2014/10/11-kids-books-on-dealing-with-loss-grief-illness-and-trauma.html
This is a helpful list because it also provides descriptions of the books and what can be helpful about it as something to read. Clear younger and older child sections.
http://barrharris.org/for-your-child/books-about-death-for-children/
This list is of picture books and all of them look really good
http://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/touching-childrens-books-about-death/
Suggestions:
- Pick a variety of books, not all of them.
- Have both a direct information book (that is a story about the death of a person) and an indirect information book (Velveteen Rabbit, Fall of Freddie the Leaf where the death and loss are symbolic; these books are more elegant and touching and provide the larger frame of death and grief and being able to carry your loved one in your heart but we all move on with life kind of thing)
- Read them to your kid and then see which ones they seem to really like. That will be the go to book that you add to your reading time
- Don’t only read books about death, how depressing. Just add the book about grief and loss to the group and read it now and again
Grief, loss and death-helping a friend
The grieving teen: A guide for teenagers and their friends. (H. Fitzgerald, 2000) NY: Simon & Schuster
Well written book that covers from learning of the loss through discovering how to continue on with a “What you can do” response to each issue. Comprehensive and relevant but may be too much information presented at once for teens who are not much for reading. Excellent book.
The power to prevent suicide: A guide for teens helping teens. (R. E. Nelson & J. C. Galas, 2006)
This is a great book for teens who are the confidant of someone depressed or in trouble. It requires some reading though it is (well) written for teens. Excellent suggestions that cover the range of issues from understanding depression, what to do if you know your friend is depressed or suicidal and, most importantly, how to take care of yourself.
Grief, loss and death-loss of a child
Caplan, S. & Lang, G. (1995). Grief’s Courageous Journey: A Workbook. New Harbinger Publications, Inc.
Plenty of books advise on handling grief; but few tell precisely how to work through the grief process. This provides a program of steps to take for copying with daily life and grief. The workbook approach encourages a journal recording of one’s process. Not recommended for libraries; but fine for individual pursuit.
Ferguson, D. (2002). When Winter Follows Spring: Surviving the Death of an Adult Child.
The death of a child at any age seems a most cruel reversal of nature. This gentle book includes: helping yourself when it hurts, the grief journey, the layers of loss, other family members, the wounded spirt and kissing your own ouchies.
Noel, B & Blair, P. (2000). I Wasn’t Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Death of a Loved One.
This book, by women who have done their homework on grief, offers a companion for others still recuperating. Further, it introduces us to so many others, both famous and ordinary, who can hold a hand and comfort a soul through grief’s wilderness. Outstanding reference of where to seek other help.
A broken heart still beats: After your child dies. (A. McCracken & M. Semel, 1998). NY: Hazelden.
A collection of the struggles parents go through after losing a child to death written by the great writers of the ages (fiction, religious, Biblical, autobiographical). It surrounds the reader with others who have struggled with the same devastating loss. Company through the dark days, what comfort can be given.
My Son . . . My Son . . .: A guide to healing after death, loss or suicide (I. Bolton, 1996).
After the unanticipated suicide of her 20 yo son, the author takes you through the grieving process as she encounters other parents who lost a child through suicide. She was the director of a counseling center. You may find it helpful in dealing with your own grief and loss. More journal like than “here’s what to expect and what to do.” A good resource that may feel more personal while providing hope for a way through the darkness.
Staudacher, C. (1992). Men and Grief: A Guide for Men Surviving the Death of a Loved One. NY: New Harbinger Publications, Inc. $14.95. (800) 748-6273.