(Remember, this list is not comprehensive and the presence of books on this list does not constitute endorsement for or support of any of the information provided in these books. You may also want to take a look at the recommended books on teen page of this website. There is some overlap but I’ve also listed books on the teen page that haven’t been mentioned here.)
Updated: 10/20
Academic Issues-Studying and Homework
Adolescence and adolescent development
ADD/ADHD-teachers, physicians & others
Bipolar disorder-in family members
Borderline Personality Disorder
Business Minded Entrepreneurial Kids
Character and Moral Development
Communication-with kids and teens
Divorce and Separation Issues-General
Divorce and Separation Issues-for Kids and Teens
Divorce and Separation Issues-for Fathers
Divorce and Separation Issues-for Mothers
Divorce and Separation Issues-parenting
Fears, anxiety and phobias-general
Fears, anxiety and phobias-for kids and teens
Fears, anxiety and phobias-for parents
Friendships, peers, popularity and cliques
Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning
Grief, loss and death-parenting kids
Grief, loss and death-for kids and teens
Grief, loss and death-helping a friend
Grief, loss and death-loss of a child
Internet and Interactive Media
Learning Differences and Student Support Services
Parenting-of Strong Willed, Defiant, Pain in the Butt Kids
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Relationships-Info for kids and teens
Relationships-between siblings
Sex and sexuality-general parenting
Sex and sexuality-info for kids and teens
Sex and Sexuality-Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, Questioning
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-for Parents
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-for Kids and Teens
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-Kids with Sexual Behavior Problems
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-Spouses and Partners of Abused Adults
Substance Use and Abuse-General
Substance Use and Abuse-Parenting
Substance Use and Abuse-for Kids and Teens
Substance Use and Abuse-in Family Members
Recipes for Kids to Lower Their Fat Thermostats by Larene Gaunt
Internet and Interactive Media
Totally Wired: What teens and tweens are really doing online by A. Goodstein. (2007).
Written by a journalist who hosted a website on teen trends (www.YPulse.com), this book talks about blogging, social networking and cyberbullying with chapters aimed at helping parents and teachers. It was written in 2007 so some of the specifics are dated (Facebook was hardly out of the box!). But she does a good job of understanding the draw of social media for teens.
Cyber Safe Kids, Cyber-savvy Teens: Helping Young People Learn to Use the Internet Safely and Responsibly by N. Willard. (2007).
Provides parents and kids with valuable information about online risks and how to keep children and teen safe in cyberspace covering such issues as cyberbullying, violent video games, online pornography, gambling, internet addiction, privacy and social networking providing a comprehensive overview of the darker side of the net. (Summary by Larry Rosen, Ph.D.) For younger kids.
MySpace Unraveled: A Parent’g Guide to Teen Social Networking by L. Magid & A Collier.
This book takes parents through the nuts and bolts of MySpace, teaching them how to navigate this social network and create and use their own MySpace page. Very helpful and excellent directions about how to get into your kid’s and your own myspace (Summary by Larry Rosen, Ph.D.) It was good. It is totally dated. (God, I’m getting old.)
L. Rosen. (2007) Me, MySpace and I: Parenting the Net Generation.
I hope you are looking at this section out of curiosity or because you happen to be one of those over anxious parents trying to cover all bases. If your kid has been abducted, call the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at 800-843-3052. Call your local police immediately. Go to this website to know what to do first. With that being said, this book published by the US Department of Justice outlines all the things you will need to do and some of what you will face.
When Your Child is Missing: A Family Survival Guide by the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention.
Learning Disabilities and Student Support Services
Section 504 in the Classroom: How to Design and Implement Accommodation Plans by L. Miller & C. Newbill.
This book provides an overview of what are commonly called 504 plans – modifications of the regular classroom environment. Included are examples of 504 plans, lists of potential modifications, and example 504 forms. Written for professionals, it is also useful for parents.
The Complete Guide to Special Education: Expert Advice on Evaluations, IEPs, and Helping Kids Succeed by Linda Wilmshurst & Bruce Brue
Have this book with you when you are facing the need for special education services. It covers the whole gamut and is written for regular people.
Wrightslaw: All About IEPs by Peter Wright, Pamela Wright and Sandra O’Connor
Here is an equally excellent resource specific to developing an school IEP for your kid. (If you don’t know what an IEP is, get the Wilmshurst and Brue book above).
STEP (Support and Training for Exceptional Parents)
Siblings of Special Needs Kids
Views from Our Shoes by Donald Meyers
Edited volume of kids writing about having a special needs sib.
Living with a Brother or Sister With Special Needs: A Book for Sibs by Donald Meyers and Patricia Vidasy
Book for sibs or special needs kids that covers most of the things you’ll face with ideas about how to cope.
Parenting Special Needs Kids
Uncommon Fathers: Reflecting on Raising a Kid with a Disability by Donald Meyers
A difference in the Family by Featherstone
An unblinking, full portrait of parenting a special needs child.
See these websites
Legal Rights
What Are My Rights? 95 Questions and Answers about Teens and the Law. Jacobs, Thomas A. (1997).
I have never seen another book like this. It is actually written by a lawyer for teens to answer questions like whether they can rent an apartment, can my parents stop me from watching certain TV shows, can I change my name, what is the difference between a felony and a misdemeanor, and many, many more. For the teens that I often work with, this information is right where their questions are coming from. It also has additional places for information on most of the topics. Great, unique book
The Real Trouble About Trouble: A Little Can Turn Into A Lot. Seufert, Kirk. (1999). The Real Truth About Trouble Publications. PO Box 111477, Nashville, TN., 37222-1477. www.realteensintrouble.com website.
Mr. Seufert is a local (Nashville) lawyer who wrote this book out of his experiences with juveniles he has known in his practice and the things he wishes they would learn. It is an interesting little book. While it is sometimes too wordy, it is very effective. I would highly recommend parents read this to their 14-18 year old teens who have begun to get close to or just begin to get into legal trouble. It is a very good cautionary tale
Heroes for my Son by Brad Meltzer
When Brad Meltzer’s first son Jonas was born eight years ago, the bestselling writer and new father started compiling a list of heroes whose virtues and talents he wanted to share with his son. Abraham Lincoln, Rosa Parks, Jim Henson, Amelia Earhart, Muhammad Ali…and so many more, each one an ordinary person who was able to achieve the extraordinary. The list grew to include the fifty-two amazing people now gathered together in Heroes for My Son, a book that parents and their children—sons and daughters alike—can now enjoy together as they choose heroes of their own.
Letters to a Young Black Man by Daniel Whyte, III
Written from a strongly Christian perspective, Whyte writes about what is important and what is difficult about becoming a strong African American man. Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me When I Was 12 is directly relevant (though, again, there is a strongly conservative Christian underpinning like waiting to have sex before marriage).
The Ultimate Gift by Jim Stovall
Jason is the spoiled grandson of a very wealthy man. As part of his grandfather’s will, Jason will only inherit a fortune if he completes a series of tasks that just happen to be character building: work, value of a dollar, friendship, education, overcoming problems, family, laughter, dreams, generosity, gratitude, living well and loving.
Three Trees by Angela Elwell Hunt (with illustrations by Tim Jonke)
Wonderful fable of the desires of 3 trees for riches, adventure and fame. They each achieved their life’s wish but in ways they did not anticipate. (Spoiler alert) They became the manger that held baby Jesus, the boat in which Jesus calmed the seas and the cross upon which he was crucified. Beautiful way to hint at how God’s purpose (or, for heathens, the narrow view of what constitutes real accomplishment) can result in a profound contribution in the humblest, honorable life.
A Strong Man by Carol Lynn Pearson and Kathleen Peterson
A strong man gives his feet, his back, his arms, his brain but it is in giving his heart that he truly becomes a man. This is a glorious fable about manhood for modern times.
The Knight in Rusty Armor by Robert Fisher
It’s a lighthearted tale of a desperate knight in search of his true self. His journey reflects our own–filled with hope and despair, belief and disillusionment, laughter and tears. Anyone who has ever struggled with the meaning of life and love will discover profound wisdom and truth as this delightful fantasy unfolds. The Knight is an experience that will expand your mind, touch your heart, and nourish your soul. While searching for a way to remove the armor that has become stuck on him, a knight finally discovers the true qualities of knighthood.
Questions for my father: Finding the Man Behind your Dad by Vincent Staniforth
This is a little book of a range of questions (adult) kids often wonder or wish they had asked their fathers. It can help you think about things that are worth saying to your kid.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and It’s All Small Stuff by Richard Carlson
100 suggestions for a code to living (more like guidelines really). A great compilation of the kind of wisdom you would want to pass along to your son; so a great resource to skim and pull ones that are particularly important to you.
The Complete Life’s Little Instruction Book by H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
1560 suggestions, advice and mottos for living to pick and choose from. This can be very useful in looking for specific things to suggest to your son that reflect your priorities and values.
50 Things Every Young Gentleman Should Know by John Bridges and Bryan Curtis
This is a wonderful little book about civil, polite behavior. Despite being based on outdated values from a patriarchal and patrician (read that male-dominated and elitist) era, there are lots of implicit messages from these behavioral expectations about how to be a well-mannered, principled person (for men AND women).
Rules for A Knight by Ethan Hawke
Yes, the actor Ethan Hawke. Turns out this is a good book written as though it is a letter by a long ago knight forbearer of Hawke’s penned on the eve of a battle he feared (rightly) he would not survive. It is a life’s lessons book with the chapters organized by qualities: solitude, humility, forgiveness, honesty, courage, grace, pride, patience and 12 others. Touching, easy to read, includes parables and can give you some ideas about both topics to address with your son as well as modeling how to write about them. Worth adding to your “read to my kids” books.
Real Boys Workbook by William S. Pollack and Kathleen Cushman
This is the companion piece to Pollack’s wonderful book Real Boys, one of the definitive books on understanding boys. This workbook covers the gamut of issues including understanding about and how to help your son with guy rules and what being a man means. But, it also covers everything else. Excellent resource.
Boys Passage, Men’s Journey by Brian Molitor
Molitor contends that boys and young men must be guided into manhood by design rather than default—without guidance, a boy’s transition from childhood to manhood is dangerous and confusing. In this celebratory and hopeful book, he shares how he implemented the principles of lifelong mentoring, intentional blessing, and rites of passage in the lives of his own sons and how you can do the same for yours. He offers creative suggestions on how you can use these principles to design and implement a positive plan for your son’s development so he’ll become the man God created him to be.
The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Story of Homecoming by Henri J. M. Nouwen
Nouwen is a priest who uses the painting by Rembrandt of the prodigal son’s return (along with the original parable told by Jesus) to discuss the insights contained within this parable. While discovering how each of us is the prodigal and the older brother (who does everything “right”) is powerful, Nouwen has an insightful discussion about the father, fatherhood and the father we should be. This is not directly on the track but will give you pause to reflect from a Christian tradition.
Between the World and Me by Ta-Nahisi Coates
Coates is an African American journalist and author who is widely acclaimed to have important insights on the African American experience in America. This book is written as letters for his son about the conflicted race relations in the country he loves.
Letters to a Young Muslim by Omar Saif Ghobash
Ghobash is the ambassador to Russia for the United Arab Emirates who is concerned about how radical Islamist forces might influence his sons. Another book by a father written as through letters to his son about the important values Islam teaches that are fundamentally contradictory to radical ideology.
Straight Talk About Psychiatric Medications for Kids by Timothy E. Wilens
By the time you read a book on prescription medications, the pharmaceutical industry has introduced several more “new” new cures. This is a really good general book on meds (which are hard to find). Any good book on a specific psychiatric condition will have a specific section on the medications relevant for that condition. So, go to one of those books if your kid is struggling with a specific issue.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
Start with this page that has an extensive list of books from general issues to adult issues to teen issues to kid issues to specific forms of OCD.
http://www.ocdchicago.org/index.php/resources/books/
Then there are these books from the OCFoundation (the place to start for OCD info)
http://www.ocfoundation.org/ocdinkids/teens_young_adults/books.aspx
I like this book for parents. Comprehensive, well organized and very helpful.
Freeing Your Child From Obsessive Compulsive Disorder by Tamar E Chansky.
A Little Book of Parenting Skills: 52 Vital Practices to Help With the Most Important Job on the Planet by Mark Brady.
It really is a little book. Each of the practices is on one page. Advice includes things like never neglect, never never never never scream at your kid, be a super soother, teach your children to say no, be a safe haven, ask your children what their heart wants, harness your murderous impulses, never say no unless you mean it, reclaim your negative projections, sidestep power struggles, listen to your kid. This is a parenting by being gentle, affirming, loving and encouraging book. There isn’t much for when you have to set some firm limits. Don’t get me wrong, these suggestions are really important to include as part of your parenting. A lot can be accomplished by loving your kid toward appropriate behavior. But most of us need more than that for the little hellions we are given. I highly recommend this book to read right next to ones that give you instruction about how to intervene in a direct and specific way.
Nelsen, J., Lott, L., & Glenn, H. Stephen. (1999). Positive Discipline A-Z, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition: From Toddlers to Teens, 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems. Prima Publishing. $16.00.
Dr. Nelsen has written an excellent series of books on positive discipline. This is the most broadly applicable. There are also books for different age groups – Positive Discipline for Preschoolers, Positive Discipline for Teens. Many excellent ideas, suggestions, and guides for dealing with and anticipating parenting challenges.
J. Twenge. (2006) Generation Me: Why Todays Young Americans are More confident, Assertive, Entitled and More Miserable Than Ever.
Keeping Your Kid Safe
Predators and Child Molesters: A Sex Crime District Attorney Answers 100 of the Most Asked Questions by Robin Sax.
This is a tough book to read not the least because it requires you to consider what could happen. It includes sections on recognizing predators, talking to kids about risks, recognizing abuse, going to court, healing and moving on. It is written mostly for parents of kids but there are sections relevant for teens should there be concerns about abuse or sexual assault.
LGBT Parenting
The Lesbian and Gay Parenting Handbook: Creating and Raising Our Families by April Martin
American Psychological Association paper on LGBT parenting with resources on research and some popular parenting books http://www.apa.org/pi/lgbt/resources/parenting-full.pdf
Parenting-of Teens
No More Nagging, Nit-picking, & Nudging: A Guide to Motivating, Inspiring, and Influencing Kids Aged 10-18 by Wiltens, J.
This is a fun book that is oriented toward promoting autonomy. It is not as comprehensive as the others, it gives a nice, simple, and understandable overview of parenting issues without the details. I like it but it is definitely an add-on rather than a basic book for parenting collections.
Get Out Of My Life: But First Could You Drive Me and Cheryl to the Mall? A Parent’s Guide to the New Teenager by Wolf, A.E.
Now this is a funny book! It is mostly anecdotal but it is great fun. Like No More Nagging, this book is not as comprehensive as others. It does give a nice insight into adolescence and families with examples that are true to life and enjoyable. Sections on all the important topics (again, not very detailed about how-to but enjoyable to read).
How Not to Embarrass Your Kids: 250 Don’ts for Parents of Teens by Elias, Z. & Goldman, T.
This is a great resource for the specific issue of avoiding humiliation of your child. It is fun, funny, and really helpful.
The Launching Years by Laura Kastner & Jennifer Wyatt.
This is one of the few books on parenting issues related to the transitions between high school and college. It is a nice overview and may help you anticipate some things that wouldn’t otherwise occur to you.
You’re On Your Own (But I’m Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years by Marjorie Savage
This is one of the best books on anticipating the college years. Very broad but it provides a nice framework for parenting a college attending kid.
The Loving Parents Guide to Discipine: How to Teach Your Child to Behave – With Kindness, Understanding, and Respect by M. E. Gootman (1995).
This book is a good one for parents who have a more nurturing style. Most books have the same information but with a particular slant. If you are more of a emotion-based and loving-kindness person, this is the book for you.
Discipline That Works: Promoting Self-discipline in Children by T. Gordon (1989).
This book is a good one for parents who have a focus on discipline that promotes autonomy in their children. It has many good sections and lots of examples. Communication is an important aspect of this book with explanations and directions for improving this part of the relationship.
Setting Limits: How to Raise Responsible, Independent Children by Providing Reasonable Boundaries by R. J. MacKenzie (1993).
This book is a good one for people who are oriented toward more structured, organized parenting. It is well organized, has many charts and step by step procedures, and is comprehensive on the issue of discipline. I think it is one of the better books for clarity and relevance for any parenting style.
Positive Discipline A-Z, Revised and Expanded 2nd Edition: From Toddlers to Teens, 1001 Solutions to Everyday Parenting Problems by J. Nelsen, L. Lott & H. Stephen Glenn (1999).
Dr. Nelsen has written an excellent series of books on positive discipline. This is the most broadly applicable. There are also books for different age groups – Positive Discipline for Preschoolers, Positive Discipline for Teens. Many excellent ideas, suggestions, and guides for dealing with and anticipating parenting challenges.
The Loving Parents Guide to Discipine: How to Teach Your Child to Behave – With Kindness, Understanding, and Respect by M. E. Gootman (1995).
This book is a good one for parents who have a more nurturing style. Most books have the same information but with a particular slant. If you are more of a emotion-based and loving-kindness person, this is the book for you.
Parenting-of Strong Willed, Defiant, Pain in the Butt Kids
When Your Child Has A Strong Willed Personality by Carl Pckhardt, Ph.D.
I think this is my favorite book on parenting bull headed kids before you are already into the Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager realm (see below). This book is self-published, I think. I couldn’t get it through giant online book sellers. It has some great suggestions (meaning that they are kind of suggestions I make so he MUST be insightful and brilliant. Right?). It really captures what it takes to parent bull headed kids that is different from regular kids.
Raising Your Spirited Child: A Guide for Parents Whose Child is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, Energetic by Kurchina, Mary Sheedy. (1991).
The Challenging Child: Understanding, Raising, and Enjoying the Five “Difficult” Types of Children by Greenspan, Stanley.
This book is by a prominent child development expert discussing five types of children: sensitive, self-absorbed, defiant, inattentive, and active/aggressive. Descriptions are provided and suggestions for parenting strategies for each are offered.
Your Defiant Child: Eight Steps to Better Behavior by Barkley, Russel. (199_).
This is the guy. Barkley has been an expert in attention deficit hyperactivity for decades. He has great ideas whether your child is hyper or not.
Try and Make Me: Simple Strategies That Turn Off The Tantrums and Create Cooperation by Ray Levy and Bill O’Hanlon.
This has a lot of great ideas for dealing with strong willed (or just plain old) kids. These techniques are the child parenting equivalent of many of the teen strategies I recommend so, naturally, I think they really know what they are talking about. Easy to read. Straightforward strategies (and explanations). This is a book to read through and have on your shelf (or in your e-reader, if they have an edition of it for that platform yet).
You Can’t Make Me (but I can be persuaded): Strategies for brining out the best in your strong willed child by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias.
Good Kids Difficult Behavior by Joyce Divinyi.
Parenting Your Out of Control Teenager: 7 Steps to Reestablish Authority and Reclaim Love by Scott P. Sells.
This is for when your teenager is way over the top, like soon to be (or recently) arrested for unruly behavior. And, this is an EXCELLENT book. Clear, specific strategies, great sense of balance in dealing with really difficult kids. If your kid is out of control (however you define it) get this book.
When things get crazy with your teen: The Why, the How and the What To Do Now by Michael J. Bradley.
This is a good book about dealing with more mid-range teenage problem behaviors (e.g., piercings, coming out as gay, poor body image, is spoiled, shoplifts, is depressed, etc.). This guy has some good suggestions for these kinds of not-unusual teenage problems (as opposed to the more serious kinds of issues addressed by Parenting Your Out Of Control Teenager above).
Parenting-Adult Children (and older parents)
Coping with Your Difficult Older Parent: A Guide for Stressed-Out Children. Lebow, Grace & Kane, Barbara. (199_).
This book addresses the challenges of dealing with your parents later years. It helps you see where the problems arise and provides helpful information about how to respond to parents who are hard to handle despite their increasing limitations due to aging.
Becoming a Wise Parent for your Grown Child: How to Give Love and Support Without Meddling. Frain, B. & Clegg, E. (1997). NY: New Harbinger Publications, Inc. $12.95. (800) 748-6273.www.newharbinger.com
When Parents Hurt: Compassionate Strategies When You and Your Grown Child Don’t Get Along by Joshua Coleman
Parenting-Adoption
Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge
I just love this book. It is easy to read, covers a broad range of issues, gives real and practical suggestions. This is one of THE books to have if you have an adopted kid.
Telling the Truth to Your Adopted or Foster Child: Making Sense of the Past by Betsy Keefer & Jayne E. Schooler.
This will give you some ideas about how to approach the issue of keeping your kid aware of their past and deal with potential issues that arise.
Parenting Adopted Adolescents: Understanding and Appreciating their Journeys by Greggory Keck and L. G. Mansfield.
This can be really helpful in anticipating and dealing with parenting teens who have been adopted. Good to get as adolescence approaches.
Parenting Adopted Teenagers: Advice for the Adolescent Years by Rachel Staff.
Another good book that can help you anticipate issues adopted teens have with parenting suggestions.
Taking Charge: Teenagers Talk About Life and Physical Disabilities by Kay Kriegsman, Elinor Zaslow & Jennifer D.Zmura-Rechsteiner.
This is a somewhat dated book (though I haven’t found anything yet that really addresses this issue. It covers communication, independence, relationships, dating, sexuality and family life. It is a good book for early to mid teens as a way to actually tackle topics that are awkward enough between parents and teens but even more so when your teen has a physical challenge. There are resources included for addressing specific issues (e.g., sex) in more depth. Worth having around for your kid to “pick up.”
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
When your parent has PTSD
Finding My Way: A Teen’s Guide to Living with a Parent Who Has Experienced Trauma by Michelle Sherman and Deanne Sherman.
This is an excellent book. I am not aware of any other like it. This is exactly what you need to give your kid whose parent has gone through a severe trauma and has changed from the effects of those experiences. It is both informative and has a workbook style that isn’t baby-ish.
Relationships-info for Kids and Teens
The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker.
Relationships-between Siblings
Siblings Without Rivalry: How To Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
Mueser, Kim & Gingerich, S. (1994). Coping with Schizophrenia: A Guide for Families. New Harbinger Publications. $13.95.
A comprehensive book on all aspects of what families must face in dealing with a family member with schizophrenia (or other psychotic disorder). I found this book an excellent read as well as an excellent resource.
Backlar, Patricia. (1994). The Family Face of Schizophrenia: True Stories of Mental Illness with Pracical Advice from America’s Leading Experts. G. P. Putnam’s Sons. $13.95.
This book is composed of chapters written by family members of someone with schizophrenia – their experiences and successes. Each chapter has a section written by a professional commenting and giving advice. This book helps you see you aren’t the only one going through this and helps with ideas about what to anticipate.
Deveson, Anne. (1991). Tell Me I’m Here: One Family’s Experience of Schizophrenia. Penguin Books. $10.00.
This is a very personal story of “a charming teenager who becomes a fearful and frightening young man”. One of those great books that is both informative and “you can’t put it down.” Be warned, the subject of the book dies at age 24 from a drug overdose so this does not deal with the life long struggles faced by most families with a member who is schizophrenia.
Video
I’m Still Here: The Truth About Schizophrenia. 1996. Janssen Pharmaceutica JPI-RS-336
Mental Illness
Secunda, V. (1997). When Madness Comes Home: Help and Hope for the Children, Siblings, and Parents of the Mentally Ill. NY: Hyperion. $23.95.
This is a sensitive and helpful book for family members. Well written.
Cancer
Vigma, Judith. (199_). When Eric’s Mom Fought Cancer. Childswork Childsplay, (800) 962-1141. $14.95
A story book about how Eric begins to feel deprived and angry when his mother begins treatment for breast cancer. Eventually, Eric asks his father the questions that have been worrying him and develops a new sensitivity to his mother’s illness as he begins to understand. Ages 6-9.
Sex and Sexuality-general parenting
The Underground Guide to Teenage Sexuality. Basso, M. J.
Excellent comprehensive and “readable” book on sex and sexuality for teens. It is very explicit and will provide direct and thorough answers to questions teens have about sex. This book does not inherently promote abstinence though it is presented as the safest and preferable approach. This has an exceptional section on how to say “No”. I highly recommend this book. It is a great foundation upon which to build the decision making aspect of sex and sexuality (as it present info in a straightforward, informative way).
How to Talk With Teens about Love, Relationships, and Sex: A Guide for Parents by A. G. Miron & C. D. Miron.
I really like this book. It is comprehensive and straightforward with excellent recommendations, examples and strategies for addressing anything to do with dating and sexuality. This is definitely one to have on your bedside table. It will help you think your way through what YOU think and then help prepare you to actually discuss the issues with your teen.
Sex and Sexuality-Info for Kids and Teens
My Body, My Self for Boys by Lynda Madaras & Area Madaras
What’s the Big Secret?: Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown
Talking with Your Child About Sex by Dr. Mary S. Calderone
This is a solid book about parenting around sex and sexuality issues. It has a lot of real life examples and has more of a question/answer format. Another thing I like about it is that it covers the preschool to adolescent years so you can see how ways you talk to your young kid will link to what you will end up needing to talk about with your teen. It is just the littlest bit stale (based in part on when it was written; before the flashing lights, quick camera movements and jumping all around to keep your attention style we now enjoy).
Girls
The What’s Happening to My Body? Book for Girls. New Edition, A Growing Up Guide for Parents and Daughters. Madaras, Lynda & Madaras, Area.
An information guide to the transition from child to young woman with emphasis on puberty and other maturational information. Low key, easy to read and a good source.
The First Time: What Parents and Teenage Girls Should Know about Losing Your Virginity by Karen Bouris, 1995.
You couldn’t find a better book on the female experience of the first time. The author has gathered women’s stories (of all ages) as a kind of collective experience of how wonderful (and terrible) the first time can be for women. It provides a great context for talking about what makes for a meaningful experience. No preaching or particular agenda; just a collection of stories to hopefully impart some wisdom in sexual decision making.
Real Girl Real World : A Guide to Finding Your True Self by Heather Gray and Samantha Phillips
This information book for teen girls is about the issues of becoming a young woman (and being a woman) in our culture. Chapters include The Beauty Standard, Body Image, Eating Disorders, Menstruation Anatomy Orgasms and Masturbation, Coming to Terms with our Sexuality, Being in Charge of Our Sexuality and Feminism (What is it and Do I Care). It is filled with observations and comments by teenage girls. The information is excellent. It treats all decisions as up to the girl (rather than providing some framework of readiness or morality). It has a girl empowerment slant (which is useful for women in our culture). I’d say this is for 15yo and older teens. It is also ideal for more progressive parents. If you are parenting with a more conservative background or from a moral stance, this book may create some conflicts.
Relationships: 11 Lessons to Give Kids a Greater Understanding of Biblical Sexuality by Luke Gilkerson and Trisha Gilkerson
Relationships was written for parents to read with their kids ages 11-14 years old. This study will help prepare your teen for sexual tmptations that they are sure to encounter and give them a greater understanding of biblical sexuality.As Christian parents, it is of utmost importance that we’re guiding our teems through the sometimes overwhelming sexual desires and temptations they experience. Relationships is a series of 11 Bible studies that provide a foundational understanding of how to navigat sexual temptations and desires in a godly manner.
Girls-8-12
Celebrate your Body by Sonia Renee Taylor.
Covering everything from bras to braces, Celebrate Your Body goes beyond other puberty books for girls, offering friendly guidance and support when you need it most. In addition to tips on managing intense feelings, making friends, and more, Celebrate Your Body has even more than other puberty books for girls, showing you what to eat and how to exercise, so your body is healthy, happy, and ready for the changes ahead.
Boys
Changes in You and Me. Bourgeois, Paulette.
Information about puberty for boys.
The What’s Happening to My Body? Book for Boys, New Edition, A Growing Up Guide for Parents and Sons. Madaras, Lynda & Saavedra, D.
An information guide to the transitions from child to young man with emphasis on puberty and other maturational information. Low key, easy to read, and a good source.
Boys Know It All: Wise Thoughts and Wacky Ideas from Guys Like You. Roehm, M. (Editor). (1998).
This is an edited book with chapters written by 32 guys giving advice on a full range of problems for boys ranging in age from 7-16. It is fun, informative, and silly. Well written by the boys, good information without a lot of detail, and it bounces from important topics to silly ones.
From Boys to Men: All About Adolescence and You. Gurian, M.
This is an excellent book for boys about what they are going through with an emphasis on the psychological and social rather than just physical. It explains these from a biological perspective in easy and interesting style. This is the best book for kids becoming adolescents I have read. You will want to examine the sexuality section before turning it over to your son. It promotes abstinence by also discusses alternative ways to be sexual as substitutions.
Sex and Sexuality-Abstinence
Sex Smart: 501 Reasons to Hold Off on Sex. (Susan Browning Pogany, 1998)
This is a pretty good book for exploring all the reasons to put off having sex be a part of teenage relationships. It is written in a conversational style (though there is an undertone of scared straight, but it isn’t heavy handed). This can be a good resource for parents who want to talk in an informed way to their teens about abstinence. If you are a parent promoting abstinence, especially if you expect your kids to wait until after marriage to become sexually active, this is a good book for you.
How to Help Your Teenager Postpone Sexual Involvement. Howard, Marion.
Teens Who Choose Abstinence (24 minute video tape). Sunburst Video. (800-431-1934)
Sex and Sexuality-Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, Questioning
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-for parents of child victim
When your child has been molested: A parent’s guide to healing and recovery by Kathryn Brohl & Joyce Case Potter
This is THE book for parents. It is comprehensive but not overwhelming. It covers the entire range of issues from the disclosure to reporting to effects on your kid to effects on you to the legal process to finding a therapist to dealing with people in the community who try to be helpful (or are insensitive).
Helping Your Child Recover from Sexual Abuse by Caren Adams & Jennifer Fay
A Mother’s Book: How to Survive the Molestation of Your Child by Caroline Byerly.
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-for Kids and Teens
How long does it hurt? A guide to recovering from incest and sexual abuse for teenagers, their friends, and their families by C. Mather & K. Debye.
An information book for teens based on case studies and interviews with adolescent survivors. Straightforward language, comprehensive. This book is really good but I worry a bit that it is too concentrated. I get a lot of “you have to read a lot” from today’s teens. They need all the information in this book but they may initially be put off by how much it looks like a text book or a novel (despite some cartoon-like and light hearted but respectful illustrations).
The Me Nobody Knows: A Guide for Teen Survivors by Barbara Bean & Shari Bennett
This is a workbook for teens that teaches them how to cope with many of the effects of a history of sexual abuse. It is in the form of exercises to both elaborate the effects and to develop strategies for coping with the stress and self-perceptions that follow from abuse.
My Body is Mine, My Feelings are Mine: A Storybook About Body Safety for Young Children with an Adult Guidebook by Susan Hoke.
A book for children and their parents about keeping children safe including information on body safety tips, how to detect a child molester, how to detect a victim, a victim checklist, what to do if a child has been abused, resources and hotline reporting phone numbers. Obviously, this book is for parents who are struggling with sexual abuse issues that are close to home in the form of a sibling who is abusing, a family history of sexual abuse (for prevention), or for children at risk for other reasons. This book has been described as clear, positive, and fun to read.
Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse (even if they are adults now) by Lynn Daugherty.
This is a really good brief (but thorough) book for abused kids. It is the least comprehensive book, in a good way. If you aren’t much of a reader or you need to get the highlights (because just thinking about what happened is a bit too much right now), this is a good place to learn about what all has been happening, why and what you can do about it.
Sanford, Doris. (199_). A Child’s Guide to Sexual Abuse: I Can’t Talk About It.
Sanford, Doris. 199_). A Boy’s Book About Sexual Abuse: Something Must Be Wrong With Me.
Surviving Childhood Sexual Abuse by Carolyn Ainscough and Kay Toon.
This is an excellent book for older teens and young adults that will take you through the steps of beginning to understand the legacy of being abused as a child and how to walk your way out of it. Lots of quotes from survivors of sexual abuse to highlight the points. It is more elaborate than Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse and less comprehensive than Victims No Longer. It is always helpful to have a therapist with you along for the journey. It is a tough walk but many others have gone before and found a fulfilling, satisfying life. You can too.
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-for Children Who Sexually Abuse Others
Given the complexity, treatment difficulties and emotional issues that occur when you have a kid who has a sexual touching problem, you should not be trying to address these issues on your own. Get with a trained mental health professional who can provide you with the appropriate resources and, more importantly, highly skilled help in getting your kid back on a healthy track. Nevertheless, these are some highly regarded books to help you as you go through your own struggles to make sense of this very complicated problem. All of the following resources are from the Safer Society Foundation.
Healthy Families by Timothy J. Kahn.
This is the book to get the minute you find out that your kid has been acting out sexually. It will take you through all the things you need to know and think about as well as how to deal with your own and everyone else’s feelings in dealing with the issues that arise. Chapters include where to turn for help, understanding the legal system, common questions, understanding the assessment and treatment process, effects on siblings, creating and maintaining a healthy family environment, family reunification (if your child was removed from the home for their behavior), making treatment work and how to look toward the future.
Taking Action: Support for Families of Adolescents with Illegal Sexual Behavior by Barbara L. Bonner
Taking Action: Support for Families of Children with Sexual Behavior Problems by Jane F. Silovsky.
These 40 page pamphlets offer reassurance, guidance, and hope to parents of children and teens with sexual behavior problems. It reviews key issues such as common thoughts and feelings parents may experience, myths and facts about children’s sexual behaviors and normal stages of sexual development, criteria for determining sexually abusive behavior, and reasons children may abuse. They provide information on treatment goals and expectations as well as dealing with state agencies. Self-care for parents and clear steps for home supervision of children with sexual behavior problems are provided.
Pathways Guide for Parents of Youth Beginning Treatment by T. J. Kahn.
This book is for parents with kids going into treatment (often residential) for sexual offending. It is the companion book to Pathways: A Guided Workbook for Youth Beginning Treatment offers reassurance to parents and caregivers of adolescents with sexual offending behaviors. It includes words of wisdom from other parents, 12 steps for parents of offenders, suggested questions for parents to ask their adolescent as treatment progresses, a brief review of the Pathways workbook, ways to help prevent reoffenses, forms and explanations for chaperones, and more.
Stop! Just for Kids: For Kids with Sexual Touching Problems by Kids with Sexual Touching Problems by T. Allred and G. Burns
This is a book written for kids that serves as an introduction to them of why their sexual touch of others is a problem.
Sexual Abuse and Molestation-Partners of Adults Abused As Children
Gil, E. (1992). Outgrowing the Pain Together: A Book for Spouses and Partners of Adults Abused As Children.
I have liked the other books that Gil has written on various aspects of sexual abuse. This book is simple, straightforward, and gently but clearly written as, I think, a great overview of what partners of someone who was abused need to know as their partner works to deal with the legacy of abuse.
Social Savvy by J. Re’
A book for kids about what to do in various social situations. A scaled down Ms. Manners.
Good Sports by Rick Wolff
With the intensity that has developed around youth sports, you may want to review how to strike the right balance (and deal with problems with coaches or other parents). Read this as you move into the arena of sporting competition during adolescence.
Ford, J. & Chase, A. (199_). Wonderful Ways to be a Stepparent. Conari Press. $11.95.
Step-fathers
Keys to Successful Step-fathering by Carl E. Pickhardt.
This is a great little book about being a step-father. It is comprehensive but also concise (read that as it doesn’t go on and on just to add more words to the book). Some REALLY good sections including one dealing with step sons, step daughters, in laws and ex husbands and another on the step-father as an invisible man. Get this if you are entering in to step-fatherhood. Get it even if you have been step fathering for a while. It will either validate what you have been doing, review important areas you may have overlooked or help you retrace your steps and fix some things that haven’t gelled yet.
Step-Mothers
Keys to Successful Stepmothering by P. G. Mulford.
Norwood, P. K. & Wingender, T. (199_). The Enlightened Stepmother: Revolutionizing the Role. NY: Avon. $14.
Thoele, S. P. (199_). The Courage to Be a Stepmom: Finding Your Place Without Losing Yourself. Wildcat Canyon. $14.95.
Burns, C. (199_). Stepmotherhood: How to Survive Without Feeling Frustrated, Left Out, or Wicked. NY: Harper-Collins. $12.50
Stress and Stress Management
Kid Stress: What it is, how it feels, and how to help by Georgia Witkins (1999).
Comprehensive book about different categories of stress and strategies for helping your kids deal with it. Good reference book.
Too Stressed To Think: A Teen Guide to Staying Sane When Life Makes You Crazy by A. Fox and R. Kirschner.
This and Fighting Invisible Tigers are two of the books to get for a kid who is stressing out (or who you want to help keep from stressing out). Better for younger teens (16 and under) due to the writing style.
Fighting Invisible Tigers: A Stress Management Guide for Teens by E. Hipp.
This and Too Stressed to Think are both great for stressed kids. This one has been around for a while, has a teachers guide (that you could use to help guide your own child if that’s your calling) and is straightforward, informative and doesn’t talk down to teens. Worth having around, especially for high stress (or stressed) kids.
The Hurried Child by David Elkind.
This is the book that really defined this issue of children doing too much and being stressed to the max by the pressure.
Healthy Pleasures by R. Ornstein & D. Sobel.
An useful book on a variety of activities that promote health. Topics include the virtues of sensuality such as massage, music, viewing nature, healthy foods and spices, exercise, and rest. Healthy mental states and activities are presented, including acquired optimism, developing new interests, healthy self-indulgence, and health benefits of being altruistic.
Opening Up: The Healing Power of Confiding in Others by J Pennebaker.
This book examines the ways in which health and healing can be enhanced by confiding traumatic events that have been kept secret. The approach is indicated for a wide range of individual who have experiences post traumatic stress.
Substance Use and Abuse-General
Buzzed: The Straight Facts about the Most Used and Abused Drugs from Alcohol to Ecstasy by C. Kuhn, S. Swartzwelder & W. Wilson
This is the best information book on alcohol and drugs of abuse that I have found. It is clear and well written. It has pictures of various substances and paraphernalia. It is thorough. This is the book to have to know what drugs your children may be exposed to around their friends.
Pumped: Straight Facts For Athletes About Drugs, Supplements and Training by Cynthia Kuhn, Scott Swartzwelder and Wilkie Wilson.
Like the Buzzed book above, this is the best information you can find about athletic performance enhancing drugs. If you have any suspicion that your kid may be considering chemically enhancing their bodies (or they have friends who are doing it), get this book. It is phenomenal.
Drug and Alcohol Abuse: The Authoritative Guide for Parents, Teachers, and Counselors by H. T. Hilhorn, Jr.
This is another excellent book about drugs of abuse. I don’t think it is quite as good as Buzzed (see above) because it is a bit too technical and formal in style. However, it also has a long section on prevention, intervention, what to do when your child comes out of treatment, what are the things that help and hurt with recovery, etc. So, it is the best SINGLE source of information on all aspects of alcohol and drug use, abuse, and treatment.
Substance Use and Abuse-Parenting
Saying No is not enough. Helping Your Kids Make Wise Decisions About Alcohol, Tobacco, and Other Drugs: A Guide for Parents of Children Ages 3 Through 19 by Robert Schwebel.
This is an excellent, comprehensive resource for dealing with alcohol and drug use issues with your children. It spans prevention to intervention. I highly recommend this to parents who are concerned about A&D issues with their kids.
Drugs, Alcohol and Your Children: What Every Parent Needs to Know by Judith Seixas and Geraldine Youcha.
This is a nice overview for the various aspects of parenting related to the discovery of alcohol or drug use in your kid. It has sections on background factors, warning signs (a good section on this), strategies for what to do (including a good review of what happens when the police are involved) and information on drugs and resources (least informative part). Good, solid book that is a little more academic like than the Schwebel book above.
A Parent’s Survival Guide: How to Cope When Your Kid is Using Drugs by Harriet W. Hodgson
I like how Hodgson present information. Very brief and to the point, good general information without expecting parents to be therapists. All the info you should have in a general book for parents who find out their kid is using: what is dependency, how can you tell, what do drugs do, getting past blaming yourself, how to find treatment, avoiding common pitfalls (a particularly useful section), taking care of yourself and the process of recovery (another really important section on having reasonable expectations).
Parents Recover Too: When Your Child Comes Home From Treatment by Harriet W. Hodgson
You are going to need to know what to expect when your kid comes back from residential alcohol and drug treatment. The mental health professionals you MUST have in place will be crucial in helping but this book covers all the things you will applying individually to your family. Get this book to be prepared.
Parent’s Guide to Marijuana by Mitch Earleywine
OK, this book was published by High Times, the marijuana advocacy magazine. This is THE BOOK for you to get in talking to your kid about marijuana. You need to have the facts, the real facts, not the misinformation that is provided to discourage teens from using pot. You need to know what you are talking about. Here it is in one place. Get this book if you are the parent of a teen.
Substance Use and Abuse-For Kids and Teens
Substance Use and Abuse-In Family Members
For Children with a Parent with Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse Issues
I Wish Daddy Didn’t Drink So Much by Judith Vigna.
A realistic and sensitive story book of how a young girl deals with her disappointment when her father breaks his promise to take her sledding, and more importantly, how she learns to deal with his alcoholism. Ages 6-12
Straight Talk From Claudia Black: What Recovering Parents Should Tell Their Kids About Drugs and Alcohol by Claudia Black
Claudia Black is one of the leading national figures in addiction and recovery from a 12 step model. If you are in recovery, there are things your kids need to know. This is a GREAT book for helping you decide what you want to tell your kids. Even if you have been in recovery for a while, if you haven’t talked to your kids, get this book anyway to see what you need to go back and cover.
Get Your Loved One Sober: Alternatives to Nagging, Pleading and Threatening by Robert J. Meyers and Brenda L. Wolfe.
There comes a point where everything you have tried has not worked because your loved one (including, in rarer instances, your kid when they turn 18yo) won’t give up alcohol or drug use. You don’t have to give up. This is a really helpful book for how to set limits on yourself while still remaining engaged with your kid. It also helps you figure out ways to try to deal with your addicted kid that might end up helping them get sober.
Suicidal thoughts
DO NOT try to deal with this by yourself. You could end up with a dead kid. Get with a mental health professional NOW to figure out what you need to do. Get your kid a therapist they can (and will) TALK to! Also, check out the Depression section for related books.
Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws. Kate Bornstein
This is the book for teens who are suicidal. You can’t have a regular parenting attitude when there is the possibility that your kid will kill themselves. You will need something more. It is written by a (then) 66yo transsexual (in this case a boy who considered herself a girl and went through with the sex change operation) and so it has a lot of information about alternative sexual identity (and gender politics, if you know something about that kind of thing). If your kid isn’t gay or a transsexual or the like (and if you give them this book you may need to clarify that you don’t think that to avoid any additional confusion), just have them skip over the first part of the book (though it makes really interesting reading and is PROFOUNDLY insightful about pain and suffering and feeling suicidal). Get to the 101 alternatives. Who would’ve thought a 66yo transsexual could be so cool and would have anything a teenager could use. The suggestions are brilliant (and some are really out there, and so worth considering for your kid to break through their despair). The message is clear, there are too many ways to be and things to do. There is no better book I can find (despite, or maybe because of, a number of suggestions for alternatives that I would NEVER make to a teen who wasn’t suicidal like #17 make a deal with the devil, #51 be your own evil twin, #59 eroticize the pain and #78 make it bleed. It is time for your kid to live without fear (rather than die because of it).
Comings, D. (199_). Tourette Syndrome and Human Behavior.
Good overview of TS. Dr. Comings is the director of the Tourette Treatment Center. The book is clinical but readable for the lay person. It includes information on genetics, behavior associated with TS, and treatment options.
Haerle, Tracy. (1992). Children with Tourette Syndrome: A Parent’s Guide. $14.95.
This book explains what Tourette syndrome is, it’s causes, and treatments. Coping strategies for parents and disorders commonly linked to Tourette’s are also addressed
Seligman, Adam W. & Hilkevich, John S. (199_). Don’t Think About Monkeys.
This book is written for people with Tourette syndrome. Humorous and practical.
Support Groups
Tourette Syndrome Association, Inc. 42-40 Bell Boulevard, Bayside, NY, 11361-2820. (718) 224-2999. Fax (718) 279-9596. E-mail: tourette@ix.netcom.com. These folks publish a newsletter as part of your membership.
Trauma and Crisis
What to do when the police leave: A guide to the first days of traumatic loss by B. Jenkins
Many years ago a client recounted to me the events following the suicide by gunshot of a close friend’s husband. After the police were gone, the family was left to clean up the mess. It was a shocking realization to me that this would happen. Since that time communities have increasingly developed forensic clean up companies. Regardless, this book is essential reading if someone you know or care about has been the victim of a violent crime.
Video Games